Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: A | Grade It Now!
Is That a Business Plan In Your Pocket?

Flashback to 2 years earlier where Jessica is screaming that Ron is a fucking doctor and saves lives. He reminds her that he's a dermatologist and that they went to school with Ron. He's a turd. Jessica says that he loves her, but Ray says he loves her too. That's not enough. She puts a planter of tulips in the back of her minivan and Ray tells her to put them back, but she says they're her fucking bulbs. He asks her if she's leaving because Ron's rich and she asks him if she thinks she's that shallow. Pause. Well, maybe she is that shallow, but she's deep enough to admit her shallowness. She's only shallow because she chooses to be shallow. I can buy that. She says, perhaps to herself, that she was a beauty queen and made the most cliché choice by marrying Ray. She gets into the minivan where Lotte is in the passenger's seat. She says that, in high school, Ray was beautiful, athletic, smart, popular, and hung. Now, he's only hung. You talk like that in front of your mother? She drives away with tulip leaves hanging out of the back of the van.

We're back in the flashback as opposed to the flashbackback. Ray struggles to ask Jessica for a loan. After she delivers drinks to some of her guests, she asks Ray if he has spoken to his insurance claims adjuster. Well, there was a mix-up. As in, he let his insurance lapse. Ronnie approaches and offers his sympathy regarding Ray's house. Ray plays it cool. Then, Ronnie suggests that Ray have a mole removed from his neck, free of charge. Still doesn't seem like a bad guy. After Ronnie is gone, Ray continues his plea. He adds that Koontz is trying to get him to sell his place. Jess thinks that's a great idea. He says that he's not selling his childhood home. His back is against the wall and he wouldn't ask for help if it were just him, but he's got the kids to think about. She corrects him -- she's got the kids. For good. He says they'll come back to him because he's fun and relaxed and she's uptight. Way to ask for a loan, Ray. She reminds him that he almost got them killed. So, he tells her to forget it. Dumb Ray. He gets back into his SUV, crestfallen. He looks like he's about to pray, but he doesn't. He sees a flier in his newspaper that advertises a seminar for getting rich.

Next we see Ray at a community center. He goes to a room and asks a man if he's in the right place for the "Unleash Your Inner Entrepreneur" class. He is, if he wants to be, the guy replies. The same man is teaching the class. He tells them that they hold inside the secrets to becoming rich. Jane Adams enters the class late. Ray VO's to himself, "Shit, what's her name again?" Tanya Skagle, the poet. We see a flashbackback to his history class at school. There's a student reading poetry at the front of the class while Ray leans back and listens. He says that, a couple of years ago, the school district had a program to bring poets into the classroom. Local poets would come to the classroom -- any subject, any time. So, when he couldn't get his lesson plan together, he would call a poet. Tanya was one of those poets. After the student is finished, she tells him that, though in an English class they would discuss rhythm, for a history class, he really captured the essence of a common man fighting for a dream.

Ray VO's that he should have known better than to accept Tanya's invitation for tea. The next we see, Ray is boning Tanya as she moans loudly. "Oh my God, you're so big!" she screams. Ray seems put off. He says that the patchouli smell alone should have warned him. He was really bothered by all of the noise she made. So, he never called her again.

Back in the class, the instructor tells them that their secret to success may be a talent or an idea for a product. He likes to call it a "tool." Their homework is to identify their own tool. Then, they will discuss ways to market their tools. After class, Tanya catches up with Ray. He says that he hasn't seen her in a while and she says that the grant ran out. "No more poets in schools," she laments. There's no way to explain how perfectly Adams says that line. It's so lame hippie. He asks her if she'd like to grab some coffee. "Maybe some tea," she replies. Next, they're fucking. She's loud again. And, she tells him how big he is. It's almost like she's being killed. Her face is so ridiculous. I love her.

Afterwards, Ray is lying on her bed while she's reading poetry beside him. He sees a tattoo on her forearm that reads "Proust." After she's finished, he says that he's got to leave. He stands and puts his underwear on and it's shot like when you first see a little bit of the shark for the first time in Jaws. You don't really see anything, but the suspense is there. Tanya sits on the side of her bed and looks at him for a moment as he finishes putting his clothes on. She asks him if that's his thing and he acts like he doesn't know what she's talking about. "Come on, Ray." She thinks his thing is being cold and distant after sex. He says that he's not cold. She puts her face in her hands and asks herself why she sleeps with people like Ray. He knows nothing about her life and has no interest in learning. She says that he has the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old. He replies that he has a lot going on in his life and doesn't have the time for games. Plus, if she really wanted to get to know him, she wouldn't have slept with him so quickly. Twice. Nice. "So, what, now I'm a slut?" He says that she isn't, but she shouldn't bring a guy home because she's horny, then act wounded when he doesn't want to stick around. "You liked what you had the first time, you wanted it again, fine." Adams is like a half beat slower in response than you would imagine someone to be and, again, it's kind of perfect. "I liked what I had the first time?" He says that's right, unless he's deaf. She asks what he means and he says she comes a lot, though that doesn't make her a leper or anything. She's kind of rubbing her nose, then stammers and says, "You think I come too much?" Seriously, if there's anything that's funnier than that, I don't know. She's so freaking pitiful right now. She's stunned and screams that he's not a genius in bed, if that's what he's trying to say. "OK, so you have a big dick. Whoopee!" He replies, "It's not the first time I've heard the news, Tanya." Gross. She calls him an egotistical asshole and says that she needs to change her sheets. While he's sitting down and putting on his shoes. She says that, if he thinks she likes him merely because of his big penis, she feels sorry for him. Oh my God! She's seriously discomfort perfection right now. Then, she starts taking her pillowcase off and mutters, "Big penis. What do you want, a parade?" He says that he will see her in class and she screams, "What an asshole." As he's walking to his car, she comes onto her balcony and tells him that a great idea for him becoming a millionaire would be for him to market his dick. But, she's just trying to be insulting.

He immediately starts thinking. In his tent, with a bottle of booze, he starts looking on the internet for information about straight male escorts in the Detroit area. Damon suddenly visits him and he closes his laptop quickly. Damon asks him for 50 bucks so that he can go to a Godhead concert. Ray clearly seems strapped for cash, so he asks him if Godhead is one of the "Gothic warlord" groups that he likes. Damon says it's "Goth," not "Gothic." "Gothic" means it's of medieval times. Then, Ray mentions that it's apparently OK for Damon to camp out for Godhead (he and his friends are going to wait overnight for tix) but not for him. Damon replies that he knew Ray would say no and begins to walk away. Ray asks him about the nail polish that he has on. Damon says that it's sort of a look and Ray seems to be perilously close to asking Damon if the nail polish and lipstick mean he's gay. As Damon is walking away (because that was the perfect time to walk away), Ray says that times are tough, plus he gets an allowance. Also, your dad is living in a tent. Don't ask for money.

The next time Ray is in his get rich clas

Previous 1 2 3 4 5Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP