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Jeff Long: B | 1672 USERS: B-

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Ponzi Prostituting

By Jeff Long | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2009.07.19

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Ray and Koontz argue about Ray using the lake as a toilet. Koontz reminds him that peeing in the lake is illegal. Later, the police show up because of an anonymous tip about Ray peeing in the lake. They also point out that Ray can't keep his tent up in the backyard for longer than a week -- it's a zoning violation. Ray finds out from his contractor that his house won't be ready for him to move back in before he's violating zoning regulations. After peeing in the lake again, he starts to work on it himself. Later, the police show up with pictures of him peeing.

Jessica and Ray argue about the kids. Ray thinks they should be laissez-faire, while Jessica wants to be more involved. She decides to get a rescue dog, but tells her mother that she's not doing it to gain the love of the children. She gets a totally old and messed-up dog, and the children seem to admire her for it.

Ray and Tanya try to retrieve Ray's wallet from Lenore and discover that she doesn't live at the house where Ray serviced her. Tanya leaves Lenore multiple messages in an attempt to get the wallet. She finally finds her address in the phone book and shows up at her apartment when she's having a party. Lenore (clearly lying) says that she called Tanya back. After some hemming and hawing, she turns over Ray's wallet, but refuses to pay anything. She does, however, say that she enjoyed sex with Ray. Tanya gives Ray $300 and doesn't tell him that Lenore squelched. He finds out soon enough when he realizes that Lenore has maxed out all of his credit cards.

Floyd Gerber, the instructor from the motivational class that she and Ray took, asks Tanya out on a date. They go to dinner. He tells her that she needs to remove obstacles that are keeping her from being a success. He follows her home after the date, but Ray is waiting at her house -- Floyd leaves. Ray insinuates that Tanya maxed out his credit cards, and she tells him that she gave him money for the Lenore trick. They argue and Ray says that she's a horrible pimp and he quits. To apologize, she bakes him cookies with "I'm sorry" messages baked into them. They make up, and she tells him that she will be a better pimp in the future. Ray takes the remainder of the cookies to Koontz as a truce. Mrs. Koontz finds the message "The Truth Is, You're Sexy" inside one of the cookies. Lenore calls Tanya with the names of potential clients for Ray. She says she took $400 from his credit card as a commission in advance.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then ponder with vlogger Sean Crespo what might come to pass if Ray's member becomes self-aware in No Prior Knowledge. And check back next week for our full weecap!

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

It's nighttime on the lake. Ray bursts out of his tent in apparent pain and takes a leak in the water. Koontz walks to the property line and asks Ray mid-leak if he is in fact urinating in the water. Ray gruffly asks him if there's a problem. Koontz reminds him that public urination is illegal. He also tells Ray to think of the lakefront property owners and the children that swim in the lake. Yes, the children. Children who never pee when they swim. That said, peeing in the lake is much like listening to Celine Dion. Yes, you do it. But, when someone catches you, the only civilized thing to do is be contrite about it. Ray tells Koontz that he has been peeing in that lake since he was three, before Koontz ever even heard of Michigan. He adds that he was freezing his balls off and didn't feel like walking to his house (he should've led with that) and why is Koontz watching him in the middle of the night? Koontz, indignant, informs Ray that he gets up very early every morning to work out. You know, Koontz is actually right here. Who wants to spend tons of money on a mansion on a pee lake? Nobody. Koontz says that he hopes Ray won't break the law again and they separate.

The next day, at school, Ray and Jessica walk down the hall discussing the kids. Ray tells Jessica that they can't make teenagers do what they want them to do. Jessica sarcastically replies that she supposes she's supposed to be happy with her daughter dating a guy named Hammer and her son listening to "death music." Ray tells her that she has too much time on her hands. Huh, that's funny. I thought Ray was actually bothered by the Hammer thing too. And, he's certainly not pleased with the cosmetic accoutrements of the Goth scene. Ray says that the kids just think they are pains in their asses and Jessica snaps that he should be their parent and not a buddy. She says that this is the "danger zone" and he should think of their kids. He says that she has NO IDEA what he does for their kids. She says that she's late for her booster meeting and fuck him. She had me until that last part. Here's a problem I have: Ray is an idiot. There's not really enough evidence here that his big dick is the only option he has for advancing himself. He's constantly in conflict with others, which makes me think that if he spent a little time trying to build some social capital he wouldn't have to be a whore. So, kids, try being nice to people and see where that gets you before you start turning tricks. Ray VO's that if he had a dollar for every time he watched Jessica walk away... I think you know what the answer is.