Hung

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Don’t Want No Short Short Escort

Here's Ray jogging on a foggy morning. Next, we're watching a school assembly in the cafeteria at West Lakefield. A girl is presenting a slide show of Ray (heh, high school picture -- has "Ray" had a nose job?) and telling the story of how Ray was a star athlete at West Lakefield. She says that, after Ray went to college, he returned to the school. Ray VO's that she's leaving out the most impressive part -- his stint with the Atlanta Braves before the ligament injury. He also thinks that the girl made him look like a turd. I'm not sure that almost-professional baseball player is lower than educator. He thinks the girl should have talked about how he touched and almost tasted greatness. The girl talks about what an inspiration Ray is and how he will always be there. Ray actually finds this embarrassing, as if he were the designated guy to live and die at that school. Why is this girl talking? Ray is the recipient of the proceeds from the Student Council Fall fundraiser. That's horrible. Darby and Damon are looking on with embarrassment, but I'm surprised that they even came to school that day. Another kid hands Ray a pickle jar full of cash and says dryly that the money should be able to buy a beam for his roof, depending on the quality of the wood. That said, Ray doesn't even really smile when he accepts the pickle jar. They washed cars all day for that money, Ray!

Tanya leaves a message for Ray, begging him to get back to her. She wants an answer one way or the other about whether Ray is still a whore. Next, she's meeting at a restaurant with one of the contacts that Lenore gave her. The woman (played by the amazing Margo Martindale) asks Tanya if she has pictures of her stable of happiness givers. No, Tanya says that she chooses the right person for her clients. Molly, the client, just wants somebody normal -- no freaks allowed. Tanya says that she would never have a freak working for her. Tanya has her patter down. She tells Molly that she's a normal person just like Molly -- so their ideas of normal will be similar. She says that she would never want a muscle-bound, shiny, probably gay guy gyrating on her. And, here is where Tanya and I part ways. I kid! She also tells Molly that the anonymity of sex ads is a turnoff for her as well. But, sometimes she's feeling sexy and wants life to be "simple." Seriously, she's making a very good case for prostitution, at least on the side of the patron. Also, just as a business plan, she's doing an excellent job of selling her expertise, instead of a particular ho's. It's like how Law & Order stays popular with a revolving cast. She gives Molly a refrigerator magnet with the Happiness Consultant logo on it. It's a simple smiley face with a bow. It's winking. Cute stuff. Molly giggles at the magnet then asks Tanya to make sure she gets a guy with a big "wiener." Lenore apparently mentioned that her technician was packing. She says that she gets enough "teeny-weeny" and she doesn't even want medium sized. Sister's looking for a grande burrito. Jesus help me with the fucking puns. I can't stop it. The western hemisphere of my soul just died. Tanya tells Molly that she will not be disappointed.

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Hung

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