I Love Money
 
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Toastee's Real Destiny

At the team meeting, the day's challenge is announced. It is promised that someone will go over the edge. I can only hope they mean literally. Brandi wants to captain the Green Team, but she is overruled and Real steps up. The Gold Team lets Toastee take the helm. As the team meeting gets out, 12 Pack tries to get Hoopz to talk about her feelings about the elimination. She is angry that he made an alliance with someone on the Green Team, but wisely opted to keep her emotions bottled up and only let the camera know her pain. So post-modern!

Today's challenge is called "The Crying Game," and although I have great hopes that they will reveal that a member of the Stallionaires and Rodeo are actually women, the challenge is much more literal. The contestants are required to shed a tear. Just one. And they have tools to help, namely: an onion, tweezers, cayenne, a cigar, and hot sauce. One member of each team will be required to produce a tear au natural. Each member has a line drawn on their face and their tear has to pass that line in order to count. The Gold Team has more members than the Green so they choose Hoopz to sit out the competition because they know she won't cry. Bottle up and explode, Hoopz! Bottle up and explode!

As the competition starts, Pumkin fills her eyes with cayenne pepper. She claims not to know what cayenne is, and she truly may not, but holy frijoles that was effective. She busts about 20 tears over her face line in no time flat. I once diced a jalapeno and then rubbed my eye and it watered for half an hour, so I can't even begin to imagine how much a pinch of cayenne in the eye must hurt. I guess I could mace myself if I really wanted to find out. Maybe I'll try that before America's Got Talent! Pumkin spends the rest of the competition dousing her eyes with water and begging for an eye transplant.

Heather and her onion are the next to cry, followed quickly by The Entertainer and his tweezers. Despite their best efforts, the Green Team can't get a tear out. Chance finally sticks a smoking cigar in his eye in order to produce a lone droplet. He then announces he is gangster, which is probably the only time crying has been equated with gangsterness. If only Tupac were alive to bust a rhyme about that. Destiney then gets out a tear, giving the Green Team two tears to the Gold Team's three. 12 Pack shoves hot sauce in his eye to cry, but Toastee can't get a tear from her cigar, so she asks 12 Pack to smack her. He does, she cries. The only one left on the Gold Team is Rodeo who must cry without any implements. Heather tries to talk her off that ledge by pointing out what a crap mom she is. Um, thank you?

I Love Money

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