I Love Money

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Sir, Can You Get This Man a Bucket?

Chance vows not to participate. Unsurprisingly, Boston is game for kissing Chance, as long as they don't have to use tongues. I would also recommend he get some rubbing alcohol -- and maybe some white-hot flames -- to cleanse his tongue afterward. On the list of all things disgusting, diseased, and abnormal that could approach Boston's lips, Chance's tongue is pretty high up. Everyone continues to laugh Carrie-style at Chance, and he recedes further into Fred Phelps territory by telling Boston not to even look at him. Chance shrugs the challenge off, saying it's silly. To which I ask, "What show do you think you're on?!"

And it gets even more complicated, we learn, because if Chance refuses to kiss Boston, his entire team will be disqualified. Chance hop-scotches over to the dark side, admitting he would rather commit incest and kiss his brother than kiss Boston. In the spirit of this "silly" game, Boston tries to give Chance a pat on the shoulder, but Chance violently shudders him off. CJ is all, "Whoa!" This is totally turning into Jenny Jones circa 1995.

CJ dissolves the tension by telling The Entertainer he's off the hook since he doesn't have a partner. So much for taking one for the team. Back at Asscrack Mountain, Boston attempts to convince Chance, who is retching, just to kiss him for half a second. He really sweetens the offer by blowing his big honkin' nose into a towel, which leaves a trail of snot on his face. Boston VOs that he'll put aside his "pride" (note he does not say "dignity") to win. Chance VOs that he wants to die.

CJ tries to get things moving along. Devious Heather smartly brings up Best Week Ever and TMZ as a few of the reasons why Chance shouldn't kiss a dude on national TV. If Chance had any possibility of flipping, that margin is now slimming down faster than Keira Knightley.

CJ finally moves this nonsense forward. He's going to count down from five, and if all teammates aren't locking lips at that point, their team will be disqualified. Chance requests some rubbing alcohol (I called it!) as Boston sweats like a pig in heat and tries one last time to allure Chance. CJ starts the countdown. Visions of Heather's mocking swirl around in Chance's head. He ultimately refuses to play along. Boston admits that he didn't lean in for the kiss because he might have been bitch-slapped.

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I Love Money




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