After last week's not-at-all dramatic or surprising but incredibly non-strategic elimination of Destiney, everyone returns to the Cradle of Filth for some much-needed downtime (read: drinking). The Stallionaires, the Green Team, and the Gold Team are all feeling strangely celebratory over Destiney's departure. Really, was she that bad? Today's zen question: If everyone is in an alliance, is it still an alliance? Who are you aligning against if you're all on the same side? Whiteboy and Real thump Toastee on the back for her good work in protecting their alliance's collective behind. Toastee quietly knocks her head into the wall for forgetting that 1. This is not a team competition and 2. Even if it was a team competition (it's not), The Stallionaires are noton her team. The Entertainer is not feeling celebratory. He misses Destiney who apparently left a smell all over his bed. Which makes him miss her even more, despite the fact that just last week he himself explained that true love meant holding your fart in. He is instead reveling in it and letting forth with a steady stream of bleeps, rants, and conspiracy theories. 12 Pack is patiently listening to this tear. He comes to the conclusion that since Whiteboy is controlling the action, he has to go. It's a sad state of affairs when a man with Sun In highlights and a matching tattoo and shirt combo is the most reasonable person around.
Megan is hatching a plan. She has realized that Toastee, Brandi, Pumkin and Hoopz think Whiteboy, Chance and Real are protecting them, but she knows they aren't. She cupcakes with the other girls and proposes an alliance with Brandi, Toastee and Pumkin. One Alliance to rule all the other Alliances. They all pinky swear to not vote each other off ever. Please, for the love of God, hand these people a rule book! When they are alone, Toastee and Pumkin admit that they aren't sure about this alliance. They don't trust Megan at all -- she's skanky, devious and mean. In the end, they decide they're willing to use her if they have to. They are so smart. S-M-R-T.
The new team challenge is vaguely introduced. The teams are to choose new captains, put on their swimsuits, and their uniforms, and be ready to roll in an hour. Brandi really wants to be team captain. She points out that the last time a girl was a captain they won. Real tells us that all the boys have been captain so they have no choice but to let a girl have a turn. Cause they have to. Is Real twelve? I mean, really. While I admit I wouldn't want Brandi leading a team I was on, it's not because she is a girl. It's because she is dumb as rocks. But Real is dumb as rocks, too. And he dresses like a pimp. Pumkin takes the reins of the Gold Team, despite Hoopz wanting to lead. The teams load up and head out to the beach.