I Promise

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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
The Wizard of Ozzy
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

As usual, we open on the tribe returning home post-tribal council. As soon as they're allowed to speak, they have a few things to say to each other. "Jason, what just happened?" Parvati asks. "I'm confused -- you gave her an idol," Alexis supplies. Jason "explains" that his only shot in the game was to send Ozzy home and keep his two-person alliance intact. The rest of Dabu now realize that they are dealing with an absolute moron, if they didn't know this already. Jason tells us that he's glad that Eliza was the one who got the fake idol and not him. "I would've hated to play the idol and then actually go home looking like even more of a fool," he says. Hey -- maybe some of Eliza's self-awareness actually rubbed off on him? Ozzy tries to look humble as he tells the group that he made a fake idol, taking a lesson from Yau-Man. He fails, by the way. Cirie apparently wasn't paying attention during tribal council, as she tells us that Eliza played the fake idol with all kinds of smugness and confidence and then got her ass handed to her. In reality, Eliza certainly wasn't at all smug or confident when she played the stick that she was pretty sure was fake but knew she had to try anyway. Cirie gets much closer to the truth when she says that it wouldn't have been that bad if Eliza had had the real idol, because then it would have been out of the game and so would Ozzy. With that, we get some night-vision footage of Cirie looking pensive. Better watch out, Ozzy!

The credits still have Eliza listed but now she's in the new "the jury" section. It looks kind of weird with just one member, like she's super awesome important as the sole decider of everyone's fates. I believe that's actually Cirie's job.

The next morning, Jason is off by himself. He tells us that Ozzy might have fooled him with the fake idol, but Jason still beat him in the challenge, so "Ozzy's not the only godlike competitor who can play this game." Ozzy's not godlike at all, and neither are you, Jason. I believe that's actually Cirie's job. Jason says he'll do just fine in this game as long as he wins every single immunity challenge. I'm sure that won't be too difficult at all, considering that it's never happened in the history of this show.

But now it's time for the reward challenge. The contestants arrive at an obstacle course of logs and nets in the water. Oh, I'm sorry -- Probst calls it a "multi-level net tunnel." That's much more sophisticated. Contestants will split into two teams and race through the net tunnel of multiple levels until they reach a platform with a bunch of "Micronesian symbols" on it. They must then memorize as much of the picture as possible and go back to the start, where they'll attempt to recreate the picture with symbols of their own. Then the next person will go, etc. until the picture has been recreated exactly. There are also a bunch of pieces that don't match the picture at all, just make things harder. For reward, the winning team will be flown to "one of the most cultural places in all of Micronesia -- Yap," Probst says. I thought he was saying "yep" this whole time, like, "Yep! It's CULTURAL!" But that's the name of the island. Alexis has apparently heard some great things about Yap, as she goes crazy before Probst even mentions the food and sleepover party they'll enjoy there. Maybe she just loves culture. I kind of doubt that, though. And then Probst drops the other shoe -- there are nine players right now, which means one person will not be competing. They'll select teams schoolyard style, and the one person who is not picked gets to go on a cultural island sleepover of his or her own -- to Exile Island!

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