Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Weak
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Hooray! Only two more hours before this boring, intrigue-free season is over! Except then there's another hour of reunion, but it will be so Douchetastic that I'll probably kill myself and not have to watch it at all. Anyway! Probst kills three minutes recapping the season thus far, then re-introduces us to the Final Four. Erinn says she didn't come out here to gain the respect of her friends and family back home -- she came to win a million dollars, which is even better. Stephen is very impressed with himself for making it this far without having much in the way of physical or outdoor skills. Taj's plan is to stay under the radar and make everyone think she's a nice person, but "if I have to smile in your face and stab you in the back, I'm sorry, that's the name of the game, I'ma do it." Except if it's done to her, in which case she gets all hurt and stuff (spoiler alert!). Last up is J.T., who says he's not a stupid countryboy -- he's a hard worker, a good physical competitor, and he has a great social game. He just pretends to be a stupid countryboy.

And then it's Night 36 at Camp Forza. There is much subdued rejoicing over being the Final Four and Douche being gone. Stephen says they each have a one in four shot at a million dollars. "Say it louder!" Taj says. Stephen starts saying it again, but he isn't any louder so he's interrupted by J.T. Stephen then exchanges the most awkward high-five ever with Taj. J.T. interviews that he kept his promise to Douche and voted for Erinn, and "everything's going as planned." Basically, he gets to take Douche out of the game while looking honest and true in order to win his jury vote. Kind of like what Taj and Erinn did when Sierra was voted out. Stephen says he looked bad in front of the entire jury by betraying Douche, while J.T. came off smelling like a rose. A rose that's been outside for the past thirty-nine days, but a rose nonetheless. J.T. says they don't know who voted for Erinn and who voted for Douche, to which Stephen says, "oh, yeah, right." Stephen interviews that J.T. voted for Douche for both personal and strategic reasons. Now J.T. looks like a loyal ally 'til the end and Stephen looks like a backstabber. Stephen worries that he's going to "come off" as a villain (not sure if he means in front of the jury or if he's worried about getting the evil edit when the show airs, in which case he needn't have feared because Douche took everyone's camera time away so we really don't know much about anyone else and never will). J.T. looks pretty satisfied with himself, and Stephen wonders who the best person to take to the Final Two is.

The next morning, J.T. interviews that the Jalapeño 3 are pretty impressed with themselves for making it this far in the game intact. "It's a masterpiece," he says. Again, that speaks more to Tempura being full of morons than anything else, but credit where credit is due, I suppose. J.T. and Erinn go off to get treemail, leaving Stephen and Taj behind to plot. Too bad it's like ten days too late for that. They each wait for the other person to bring up getting rid of J.T. Taj finally does it, saying he's their biggest threat. Stephen agrees sadly. "If J.T. loses immunity dot dot dot," he says, saying the ellipses out loud in order to make it easier for me to transcribe. Thanks, Stephen! "Dot dot dot," Taj repeats. They both wonder if they'd be able to vote J.T. out if it came down to it.

Erinn and J.T. open the treemail and look inside. Hilariously, their cheerful cries of "treemail!" suddenly turn into shock, disappointment, and disgust. Apparently, today's treemail came with a giant spider toy, and no doubt they're all thinking that the gross food challenge is back. They return to camp with it, and Stephen and Taj are about as happy to see the spider (Taj: "what the hell is that?!") as Erinn and J.T. were. Erinn reads the clue, which talks about huge spiders and webs, then interviews that she's surrounded by three closely-bonded Jalapeños, so winning immunity today is a must.

Immunity challenge! The Final Four arrive, and Probst explains the challenge. The contestants will not be eating spiders, but racing through a giant spider-shaped obstacle course, making their way through net tunnels that make up the spider's eight legs to three stations with puzzle piece bags. Once all three bags have been retrieved, they must put together a spider web puzzle. The race begins. J.T. takes the lead, of course, and Taj follows him through the net tunnel even though there are plenty of empty legs to choose from. Probst loves J.T. all over the place, saying he's "flying through" the course while everyone else is sucking ass. It's not like they're that far behind. Shut up, Probst. When J.T. turns to go back with his bag, he runs into Taj, just coming out of the leg. Excellent work, Taj! Slow down the immunity threat. "That rope will tear you up. Gonna lose some skin in this challenge!" Probst cries gleefully. J.T. makes it to his second bag before anyone is back with his first. It seems the the non-J.T. contestants don't understand the meaning of the word "hustle."

While Taj is heading back with her second bag, she runs into J.T. in the leg net tunnel and lets out an "oh [blur mouth]." They have to climb over each other, but it doesn't slow either of them down too much. J.T. gets his three bags back first, of course, and starts working on the puzzle. I am rooting for anyone but J.T. to win this thing because I want to see him have to scramble for the first time in this game. Stephen is the next to start his puzzle, followed by Taj and then Erinn. J.T. has most of his puzzle completed by the time they arrive, but this looks like the kind of puzzle where you don't realize you haven't done it right until you're left with one last piece that doesn't fit. Meanwhile, Erinn suddenly has a lot of her puzzle completed. Even Probst has to be impressed with that. J.T. gets down to his final piece, and sure enough, it doesn't fit. He has to find which piece is out of place while Erinn only has a few pieces left. Go, Erinn! And before she can put in the final piece ... J.T. gets his finished first. "J.T. wins immunity!" Probst cries out, so happy. Well, Erinn, you should have gone faster in the obstacle course. Or perhaps worn a shirt to the challenge, since I think a big part of J.T.'s advantage was that he had more skin covered and could be more aggressive against the nets, while Taj and Erinn wore bikini tops like idiots. Stephen has no excuse. Erinn gives the post challenge wrap-up that she had the last piece in her hand when J.T. beat her. "Frustrating to no end," she says. She doesn't have high hopes for her chances at Tribal tonight.

Back at camp, it's time to plot! Or not, as Taj is certain that the Jalapeño 3 will stay together until the end and Erinn is going home, no doubt. She's sure Erinn will try to stay in the game, but she's loyal to Stephen and J.T. and they're loyal to her. Okay, be complacent. That's always worked so well for people on this show. Like Tyson. Erinn goes down to the waterfront with Stephen and J.T. She interviews that she knows she has to find a way to plead her case with the guys without looking like she's scrambling. She states the facts: Taj has played a great social game and a great game in general. Stephen agrees that Taj stands a good chance of winning a jury vote. J.T. interviews that Erinn had a good point and, unlike Taj, he doesn't see this game as Tempura vs. Jalapeño anymore. Erinn walks away, and Stephen says they should talk to Taj. "How do we do this?" J.T. asks. Stephen seems to want Taj gone, saying Erinn would be easier to beat in the last immunity challenge. Except for the fact that she almost won the challenge today. J.T. says he doesn't care who goes tonight as long as he and Stephen are a team. Except when it comes to voting for Douche, in which case J.T. will throw his teammate under the bus in order to win some jury votes. Stephen interviews that if he votes Taj out, he'll look bad to the jury. But he wants to vote out whoever is the biggest threat t

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

Survivor

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP