Survivor celebrates Thanksgiving with a recap episode that's light on the never-before-seen clips and heavy on the boring summaries that barely scratch the surface or tell us anything new. In fact, there's more of the same Fang-bashing, including hating on Ken's choice to pick Kelly over Bob or Sugar in the tribe re-shuffle, a choice that proved to work very well in his favor in retrospect, something that was sorely lacking in this retrospective.
So, what did we learn? We saw that Marcus and Jacquie got close in the few days they had together before she was voted off, Randy and Matty were attacked by the leeches that dwell in the Fang pond, and Sugar spent her time on Exile alternating between craft projects, topless sunbathing, and crying. We also saw way-too-brief clips of some of the contestants' audition videos, including Bob being attacked by his school's lunch ladies and Randy being way too into his long-dead dog.
Well, it's Thanksgiving, and this year I'm giving thanks for CBS's decision to air a lame "new" recap episode for me to recap. They're promising there will be some never-before-seen footage to make this worth my while, but somehow I doubt it. They should have just aired the entire Tribal Council from last week's episode from all the different camera angles. That would have been awesome.
Probst welcomes us with a promise that we're going to see some new footage. We see Susie and Crystal eat bugs, and then Randy tells us "if you get me, you're not offended by me." Clearly, they edited out the part in the middle where he said "and you're a white male." And then there's Corinne, emphatically saying she wants to kill Sugar. That's at least two people on Corinne's hit list, but I'll bet neither Susie nor Sugar are exactly scared, since Corinne is all talk and curly hair. We're also going to see audition tapes, which I am actually excited about. And last but not least, there's Probst's rampant Fang-bashing, as he tells us we'll get the "unlikely story" of how the "underdogs" "came out on top." We hear quotes from all of the contestants left in the game and then we begin with the beginning: the first tribe selection. Which means that you just read a recap of a recap of a recap. It's the most boring Matryoshka doll ever!
Probst claims that Fang "set themselves up for failure" by picking the tribe members they did, even though WE ALL NOW KNOW that those picks were pretty good. For example, Crystal's pick of Susie over one of the alpha males? Totally worked out for her when she needed Susie's vote to boot Marcus. Then again, what if Crystal had picked Marcus instead? They would have been super-tight as soon as they found out about their shared connection to Kenny Cox. Oh well! Sucks for Marcus that that didn't happen. We see GC pick Ken, and how is that a bad pick? It was at the end when all of Probst's favorite he-men were already selected, and Ken was instrumental in Fang's only immunity challenge win. Probst says Fang was "physically weaker" than Kota, and "this would prove to be their demise." Except NOT REALLY, since they won one out of three challenges before the tribes were switched up, at which time the "horrible" pick of Susie went to Kota and super awesome physical threat Ace came to Fang, where he proceeded to hit himself in the face, cry about it, and win nothing. Then we get a montage of Kota's many victories to demonstrate Fang's suckiness. We don't see any clips of Fang winning challenges, but we do see Matty say that he's all discouraged and his tribe sucks.