Are we ready for "celebrities" trying to "survive" in the "jungle"? Well, ready or not, here we go. Lou Diamond Phillips is in it to win it. Heidi loves shopping and luxury so she doesn't want to know what she's getting into. Sanjaya wonders what's the worst that can happen? Let's just see. Promo announcer guy tells us how much excitement we have to look forward to: Celebrities! In the jungle! Afraid of insects, but having to eat them. Stephen Baldwin wants to win. Spencer says confrontation is his middle name. And we, America, decide who stays and who goes and who will be crowned king or queen of the jungle. Spencer's our worst nightmare. Which I think anyone who's ever watched The Hills could have told us without having him on a network reality show (that he and Heidi have already tried to quit, of course). Too-long credits, which is actually a blessing when you consider how many hours of this show I'll be suffering through each week for you, dear readers.
Because this show is too much for just one host our dynamic hosting duo, Damien Fahey and Myleene Klass, walk along a dock on a swamp in the "jungle." No, really, they are "live from deep within the Costa Rican jungle," according to Damien. And, as is always the case deep within a jungle, there is a giant, flat-screen TV there. Myleene explains that the "celebrities" have been in the jungle for 48 hours so far. Damien tells us anything can happen, and the only certainty is that we viewers get to vote. And the show will be live Monday through Thursday at 8 PM. Damien reminds us to watch Conan's debut on The Tonight Show later. Oh, and the celebrities are here to raise money for charity, not to earn fame and fortune for themselves. The longer they stay, the more money their charity gets. Now let's meet the "brave and generous" (Myleene's words; certainly not mine) "celebrities" (also Myleene).
Approaching the jungle in a helicopter are: Janice Dickinson, who says she's the first supermodel because she coined the term. She doesn't like insects, though, so this will be, like, so hard. Spencer Pratt wants to go from being an asshat on one reality show to another. This time, though, he'd like to show us all he's an even bigger supervillain. And he'd "rather live in the jungle with the monkeys than go back to America as a loser." He doesn't have friends; just his wife. Speaking of, next up is Heidi Montag, who says she's on The Hills and that she knows nothing! (long pause) About the jungle. But she has her husband to take care of her. She's excited about getting a tan and working out. "So it's kind of like a spa vacation, without the spa." Those three are all in the helicopter (along with a couple others, who we haven't met yet) in red shirts, so I'm thinking... red team?