I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C- | Grade It Now!
Fake Affairs and Fake Drama

Back at camp, John announces they'll be eating Chinese. Torrie looks mad. Then Stephen says it's Chinese TAKEOUT, and Sanjaya basically freaks out, because... no cooking. For the first time in the jungle. Patti and Janice make their way back to camp slowly. Holly and Torrie are super-nice. Stephen is like a little kid about Chinese food. He keeps doing kung-fu moves and even taunts the women about the food. Janice complains to Holly about how unmatched it was, because the men are stronger. She's trying not to let the guys get to her with their gloating. Holly's annoyed that Janice is blaming her sickness, when they asked her if she felt up to it. Before we head to commercial, we get our third promo for what's coming up later: John and Patti being CLOSER THAN EVER. The show is making a huge deal about it, and then showing clips of them talking. Because they are friends. Why are they trying to make something out of nothing? It's annoying me. I might be proved wrong after commercials, but if they had footage of them, like, kissing, I'm pretty sure that would be part of this sleazy tease. In other words: Shut up, show. You have managed nine episodes of no or faux drama. Don't try to create adultery that isn't there. (I mean, not that I'd blame Patti for straying; who wouldn't choose John Salley over Rod Blagojevich?)

Damien and Myleene welcome us back again. They tell us things they've told us a million times and then send us back to the jungle. John's sitting on his bed, when Patti joins him. It's pouring, and she realizes it's dry on his bed. He says he's glad he stayed, and she tells him she's glad, too. She would have been bummed if he'd left. He leans over and touches his head to her shoulder. OMG! They are totally having an affair. Holly says they're together all the time. She helps him cook, sits next to him, talks to him. She never would have thought a politician's wife and a basketball player would be so close. She sits on his bed and he gives her a jacket or blanket or something. He says in confessional that it's not cool that people think that you can't be friends with someone because they're of the opposite sex. Back on his bed, she asks him to imagine how the storyline would change if they snuggled up together.

Janice says Patti and John are always off together. She woke up at 5 a.m. and they were huddling and chatting. Janice: "What the fuck can anyone talk about at 5 in the morning, huddling and chatting, sitting next to each other in front of a fire?!" Patti tells John that Janice has a crush on him, and tells him that Janice said if John weren't John, he'd be her type. Torrie has no idea what they talk about when she's not around. They're talking shit about Janice (but mostly it's just Patti talking). Stephen thinks it's not as authentic for Patti to become BFFs with John as it is for him to become BFFs with her, because she's from the world of politics. I'm not sure if he's saying she's doing this for popularity or what, but I like where he's going with this. Although, come on, Patti totally has a crush on John. Because she is married to a(n alleged) douchebag. Patti talks shit about Lou, too. She says she feels like he's acting a lot. Stephen says Patti has a plan, and is doing what's in her best interest. Patti then talks shit about Torrie to John, and he agrees, points to Janice and says, "That's what it looks like at 54." Stephen says the shimmer on perfect Patti is starting to dull a little. What did I tell you?! FAKE DRAMA.

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I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!




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