I was about to be all "Yay! No more Speidi! This show will be so much better without them." But then I remembered that I read the "news" -- or, you know, what the majority of people view as "news" these days," which is "celebrity" gossip. And today NBC said Speidi might return if the rest of the cast lets them back in. Also, promo guy tells us what's on NBC tonight while Speidi dance on a log in the background -- a clear indication NBC's still banking on their return. And even, possibly, telling the other "celebrities" to let them back in. Not that NBC would ever rig the results of a show this pure and competitive, though, right? Anyway, here we go. Promo guy tells us what's up: Eleven "celebrities" will live together, conspire, and compete for three weeks. Tonight: Janice and John will fight. People will get bitten by rats. A surprise guest will show up. And Speidi might not really be gone. SHOCKING! Weird "celebrity" "jungle" credits. Then previouslies. Read the weecaps: Episode 1 and 2.
Now we're in this actual episode, which starts with a flashback to last night's "live" final moments, in which the "celebrities" sat around looking dazed while our illustrious hosts Myleene and Damien told the men they'd have to save one woman from elimination (they saved Patti). I want to complain about how this show previews and recaps and flashes back all the time, but if it weren't doing that, I'd have to be weecapping new material, so I'll try not to complain, and instead say a little prayer of thanks. Everyone likes Patti, or so they're telling us in the confessional. And Patti feels good about that. Damien and Myleene are "live" in the "jungle" with their big-screen TV. They make plastic surgery jokes about Janice, and tell us to vote. They remind us once again what happened last night, and give us the phone numbers to vote. If you care, vote at NBC.com or find the numbers there, but I can't be bothered to type that many numbers for something I care so little about. Because, really, does it matter which fools are here and which ones are gone? The show's pretty much the same hot mess no matter what. The hosts lead us in to the first actual scene. After SIX MINUTES of filler.