Drunken Bee, I want to be you when I grow up.
Okay, let's get this out of the way up front: DAMN YOU, KRIPKE!
There. I feel so much better. For now. On to the longest "Previously on Supernatural" sequence in the history of man! (Feel free to skip the following if you're not new to the program.)
From the inky depths of the television screen, Bobby Singer's face emerges to warn Sam and Dean, "A storm's comin', and you boys? And your daddy? You are smack in the middle of it." The opening chord of Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold" hurls us back into the black for a moment before a huge, flaming "THEN" dances around a bit, fading away as Soon-To-Be-Burnt Mary races into The Imperiled Nursery Of Bleach-Blonde Doom to open her mouth with a full-throated scream. There's a quick cut to Daddy! John's impressive shout of horror as he spots his wife nailed to the nursery ceiling with a foot-wide gash through her torso right before the sheets of flame burst from her still-breathing body to ripple outwards and bounce back from the walls, immolating her. Daddy! John pushes The Tiny Sam Log into The Head That Ate Cleveland's arms before we cut again to the Winchesters' front lawn, where John sweeps both of his children up in his arms just as the nursery windows explode outwards above their heads. "Dad wants us to pick up where he left off," Dean whispers urgently in the voice-over as Dream Sam arrives at the cemetery to lay flowers on Jessica's grave and Real Sam plows the Impala through Constance Welch's spectral form out on Centennial Highway. "Saving people," the Dean VO continues as Dean himself breaks the surface of Lake Manitoc with both Lucas and tremendous amounts of slow-motion spluttering and gasps. "Hunting things," Dean VOs on, accompanied by a bit of Flashlightery Jazz Hands and Gun Porn, before Real Dean catches up with his voice-over to finish, "The family business!" Next? A montage! Dean hoists a shotgun to blast a certain scarecrow three times in the chest, Sam wields a fireplace poker like a baseball bat and slams it through a certain homicidally inclined ghostly moppet, and Dean busts a flare in a certain frat-boy-chewing wendigo's ass, before we cross-fade to a lovingly lingering pan across the implements of mass destruction lining Metallicar's trunk. Unfortunately, there's nary a dream catcher in sight.