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Erinn Go Bragh
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Forza returns home under another gigantic moon. Tyson asks the group how "awesome" it was that Brendan just got voted out. "Awesome!" Erinn agrees, and I don't like her anymore. I don't care for people who rub things in, unless those people are masseuses and they're working on me. Sierra does not think it's so awesome, to which Tyson says she has to admit his alliance was "pretty badass." Sierra sadly says that since she's obviously the next person to go home, she'd appreciate it if the next three days could be "congenial." Her definition of congenial, we'll soon find out, is actually "pathetic." She interviews that everything is horrible and she's tired. Which is understandable, although I think Sierra is forgetting that she was just ready, willing, and able to make the members of Douche's alliance feel the same way. Annoyingly, she asks Douche if they can have a private conversation. He graciously agrees to this. Sierra interviews that "it was a very hard choice" to vote for Douche, and if she keeps saying things like that then I won't be sorry to see her go at the end of this episode one bit. Sierra tells Douche that she honestly didn't want to write his name down, and he says that all of her decisions in this game have been bad, and she "could have written down anybody else's name in this game that doesn't have the character like I have. Everybody out here has lied except for me." The first part of that quotation was true -- no one has the kind of character that Douche has, and it's a better world for it. The second part is, of course, false. Not counting all the lies Douche has told his fellow tribe members about who he was voting for, there was that one story about an Amazonian tribe of anus-eaters. Douche then interviews, of course, that Sierra was trying to rationalize and justify her vote for him, which is what people do when they make poor decisions. He guesses, since he's never made a poor decision himself. "In love and war, it's kill or be killed," Douche tells Sierra, who gets a perfect "right -- wait, what did he just say? That didn't make sense" look on her face. Douche tells Sierra that she "deserves" to go next, and I hope more than anything that she somehow wins immunity today.

After the credits, we get another montage of Douche's stupid made-up morning warrior pose ritual, this time from the vantage point of a helicopter. Yes, that's right. The crew got the helicopter out to take shots of Douche warrior posing. Just keep feeding that ego, guys. Douche interviews that during this particular meditation he was celebrating his victory over Brendan, because meditation is totally meant for gloating. He then admits that Brendan is younger and faster than him, although he can't quite admit that Brendan is stronger, since Douche claims that he can bench 300 pounds and when he told Brendan that, Brendan said, "really?" because Brendan obviously knew Douche was full of shit. The best part about all this is that Douche is saying that Brendan is physically stronger than he is and so proud to have outlasted him in this game while at the same time you know he also still somehow thinks that he stayed true to his original strategy to keep the strong players in and vote the weak players out. The second best part of this is imagining Douche bench pressing a barbell-shaped balloon with "150 pounds" written on either end while everyone else in the gym just stares at him. Douche is very happy to have defeated a "worthy opponent" such as Brendan, except that Brendan's physical strength meant absolutely nothing and it was his inability to play this game that did him in, therefore not making him much of a worthy opponent at all. I mean, I liked Brendan okay, but he blew a perfect alliance that I was really looking forward to seeing in action by forgetting to talk to them. Idiot. Douche talks about dragons again before letting out a stupid scream that we're supposed to think is hardcore and saying the battle has been won. But everybody knows that it doesn't matter who wins the battle -- it's all about who wins the war. And in love and war, it's kill or be killed into the seven layers of Samurai code. Chong ran.

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