It’s Time To Kill The Turtle

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Real or Not Real

Fiona, down thirty bucks from the paintball things, takes Liam over to the temp agency so she can get diapers and groceries, but it turns out that the place turned in their timecards late and she'll have to wait a week. The sympathetic and lovely lady at the agency points her in the direction of a sports bar, Sticks & Skates, where they dress you up in Sexy Hockey uniforms and get their Hooters all over you. Not Fiona's kind of deal. She actually manages to show fear, and the cute temp lady is like, "I'm teaching a free PowerPoint class for the next four Saturdays."

Which sets up a whole thing where Lip is being offered college and Fiona is being offered real paying office work (at the preposterous starting salary of $20 an hour), where Frank is offering everybody a version of himself that does not suck shit, but they both know: Real Or Not Real is always Not Real when you're a Gallagher, unless it's something terrible and then it is always, eternally, disgustingly Real. For the purposes of having dialogue, they'll mention these opportunities to their besties down the road, but in such a way that it's clear they already know they're fucked.

Lip swings by to get Karen for his trip to the University of Chicago ("maybe steal some sweatshirts for the bookstore") and Karen knows better than to actually show hope, so then they're both being nonchalant as possible about it. Less so, Sheila Jackson, who hasn't seen Frank since he died a couple days ago and ended up in the hospital. You know how Sheila is? Well, it's even scarier when she's quiet about it. Lip assures her that Frank is on a bender or something and will never die, and that he'll be home soon.

Kev brings Ethel -- her name is Ethel! -- a bunch of boardgames but she's so nervous that he finally asks her what's up, and her deal is that she needs some chores to do, because whatever Hunger Games Bible they've been selling her says that in addition to pedophile plural marriage you also have to do chores all the time or risk Outer Darkness.

Kev is horrified -- not only because it's horrifying but because his biological clock has been ticking like crazy all week and he managed to get the one child who is not actually a child in any way -- and offers to take her "a new kids' place where all the waiters dress like famous Chicago gangsters... Although I have no idea what that has to do with kids. Or burgers." She is steadfast, and finally he's just like, "Fine, let's get some chores for you to do." Little Fiona in training, lost without a world of problems to solve.

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