It’s Time To Kill The Turtle

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Real or Not Real

Kash is very apologetic that he can't have sex with Ian until Linda is pregnant, but Ian doesn't really care anymore, so it's kind of sad and kind of sweet watching the fear play out over Kash's face as he realizes something's going on but not what it is. Real or not real: My underage hookup is finally outgrowing me, and then I'll be alone again.

Frank comes home -- "Mother!" -- with the news of his temporary sobriety, and she feels kind of sorry for him but expresses it in terms of her pride in him, and he's like, "I need to be entertained at all times for the next two weeks, because everything is going to be horrible. As abusive and flat-out crazy as I am usually, it's going to be worse." Sheila's response is a bump-and-grind that must be seen to be believed, somewhere between the dance Porky Pig used to do when he was trying to be seductive, and the dancing baby that used to bother Ally McBeal all the time. It's fairly excellent. There's even a soundtrack, Sheila going, "Boom boom boom bum-bitty yum-bum bum-bitty yum-bum." All things considered, Joan Cusack doing that little dance is probably therapeutically valid. In the short term, at least.

Lip's professor friend Hurst takes him, Karen, and a Bright Young Thing on a tour of the campus. While Hurst is doing his best Good Will Hunting impression, the ladies trail behind and the girl condescends to Karen when she asserts that Lip is, in fact, a genius just like Hurst thinks. She has no idea how Karen operates, so she thinks it's a girlfriend thing. They talk about the possibility of college, work-study, scholarships, loans and all that stuff, and Lip is all, "That sounds like a lot of trouble to me." Not real.

Hurst explains the choices, in a way that manages to be patronizing in no way: Karen is going to get pregnant, and maybe it will be an accident or maybe not (real or not real; also consider here Sheila doing the same thing as we speak) but eventually he'll end up at Best Buy, where he may or may not make manager but will probably get fired because he's a smart-ass. "The anger that you've suppressed finally bubbles over, and you mouth off to the wrong person, and you get your ass fired. And from that point on, you won't be able to hold a job very long because you'll know the truth: That you never lived up to your potential. And the only way to numb the pain of underachieving is with booze and with meth."

Even without knowing the particulars of Lip, that's pretty accurate. Enough so that Lip pulls an abrupt Real Or Not Real on him to get control again: "The old Philosophical Professor Who's Gonna Set The Troubled Teen On The Right Track? It's a little trite, don't you think?" Hurst is taken aback, and admits that it doesn't work very often. "There's no shortage of brilliant kids just like yourself who are too stupid to get out of the hood." And how do "we," Lip asks, usually respond? "You tell me to fuck off." Lip obliges and Hurst takes off, with a fairly subtle recommendation that Lip at least go check out the robotics lab before he leaves... And to wear a condom.

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