It’s Time To Kill The Turtle

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Real or Not Real

Over at the Milkovich's, Ian's doing English homework with Mandy when Mickey stalks by -- "Douchebags!" -- and into his bedroom. Ian excuses himself for the bathroom and leaves Mandy on the couch, thinking about pizza bagels and how much fun it is to have a boyfriend, while he's in there secretly fucking her brother. Ian lives sort of dangerously.

Fiona makes it through just about the first five seconds of the sympathetic temp lady's PowerPoint class, realizes that she deserves nothing in this life and is poor ignorant trash, and takes off again. For an episode that's not really about Fiona, she sure does get it in the teeth sixty times this week. Time for another hotel reservation, I think.

Bowling, smack talk, family fun. Frank's better when he's not drinking, but also he's pretty much the same. That's all natural suckiness. Lip takes Carl and Debbie aside for some real talk about how Frank is going to fuck them over, and it's sad but perfectly executed:

"Remember that turtle you had last summer? Walter? And you guys were really, really into him, for like two weeks. And you talked to him, and you fed him, and you took him everywhere with you, right? But after a while, you know, you guys got busy with other things. So Walter's water never got changed, and nobody fed him. And like two months later, Debs, you wanted to show off Walter to your friend Susie. And you guys started looking for him, and when you found him, he was all dried up and dead."

Oh, Phillip Gallagher. Prince among thieves.

"Now see, you guys are that turtle, okay? And Dad's you." Carl assumes this story means that Perfect Frank is going to buy them another turtle and Lip's like, "Forget it." But of course Debbie comes up afterwards and pats him on the hand, somehow managing to Debbie this into a situation where she's comforting Lip about trying to comfort her. "Don't worry, Lip. I get it. Daddy's going to forget all about us when he starts drinking again. It's okay. I don't mind. I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts, if that's okay."

Lip is, if possible, even more undone by this. Real or not real? Debbie is always real. Start making a list of which Gallaghers are The Awesome One, pretty soon there's nobody left. Except Frank, duh.

Ian finally comes back from the bathroom, complaining that Mr. Milkovich was in there, and they play videogames for a while before Mickey comes out, burps a "Shove over, faggots," and sits down next to Ian. For Ian, this is a sign of something; he's not wrong, but he's not right either. Yes, Mickey made the choice to come out and hang after they fucked, and yes, that's a good sign. But it's not the whole end of the story and it doesn't mean the impossible somehow just became possible, no matter how much Ian's eyes shine.

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