Later that night. McCallister Manor, where Grace is getting ready for a faculty party and Bobby is sprawled on her bed playing with some dull educational toy and watching her get dressed. Not in a creepy Nip/Tuck way or anything. She's yammering that she hates faculty parties, but that they're making her go, blah blah blah, no one cares, least of all Bobby, who is busy explaining that Warren is concerned that they're going to be geeks. "All the best people were geeks," Grace explains. That is SO NOT HELPFUL, by the way, and not what your kid wants to hear. What your kid wants to hear is, "Everyone feels like a geek their first day of high school. You're going to fit in great." Grace then lists said geeks: "George Bernard Shaw, Bertrand Russell, yours truly." George Bernard Shaw? Went to high school? And who wants to grow up to be George Bernard Shaw? I mean, Pygmalion is good and all, but really. There's not a kid alive with a picture of George Bernard Shaw over his bed. "[Warren]'s afraid people will make fun of us," Bobby says. Grace: "All the greats have been laughed at. It doesn't matter. You have to have the courage of your convictions." How comforting for an eighth-grader. "I don't think Warren thinks that," Bobby offers. Grace dismisses Warren as a weak, unexceptional, conformist who will grow up to be an accountant. Hey, there are lots of nice accountants in the world. My DAD is an accountant. Step off the accountants, bitch. Grace sits to put on her boots and announces that Bobby's dad had a saying about weak men: "They'll follow whomever keeps them fed." Shut up, Grace.
It is at this point that Jack wanders past the bedroom door clad in only a towel. Be still my beating loins. Grace informs him that he's babysitting, and he tells her that he can't, on account of the Super-Nifty Retro Bonfire. ["What eighth-grader needs to be babysat?" -- Wing Chun] Grace suggests that Jack take Bobby to the bonfire! Jack tells Grace that he can't. Why? Because he just can't. "You'll have to do better than circular logic, Jack," Grace sings. She is so awful. Jack mutters something about Marcus and "this girl." Bobby pipes up that he hopes it's Courtney Benedict. "Benedict? I hope she's not related to the money-grubbing whore," Grace pipes up. Bitter And Full Of Issues, your table is ready. Jack admits that Courtney is the Money-Grubbing Whore's daughter. "She's not for you," Grace announces. She is! She's not! Bicker, bicker. Bobby finally has to mediate and swears that he'd rather stay home with his little space game anyway. Grace is fine with this, and tells her sons to nosh on the leftover cold cuts in the fridge for dinner. They whine, but I'd kill for a platter of cold cuts in my fridge right now. Suck it up, boys. This settled, Grace shoos them out. "I'd like a little private time before I go," she explains.