Jack & Jill

Episode Report Card
Tumbleweed: D | 513 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
I'll Take ManNOTtan

Ladies and gentlemen: The Statue of Liberty. They don't kid around when they decide to shoot in New York! But just for one second, let's ponder the likelihood of any New York resident wandering through Times Square and Ellis Island within a twenty-four-hour period. What do you think the odds are we'll be seeing Grand Central Station before this is all over? Manimal? Stoosh? Is anyone listening? Barto and Ferret sit hunched on a bench while raptors circle ravenously, apparently having learned from the E! Channel that these actors' careers are dead in the water. "This is what I call quality time," Barto whimpers. They talk about Ferret's pending audition and Barto's "grueling" exam. Barto says he has to get his notes to Annie, spurring Ferret to ask if she's, like, his only study buddy. Barto explains that she's the only person he trades notes with because she gets them back on time. Ferret looks pensive in her pinhead-accentuating watch cap and orange overcoat. Barto asks if she's jealous and Ferret says, "No, but you do spend a lot of time together and it's only obvious she likes you." "And I like you, what's your point?" Barto asks. "Nothing," says Ferret, the Ferret-playing actress doing a rather deft job of communicating suppressed anxiety. She excuses herself to go practice her lines and wishes Barto luck. She leaves him sitting alone on the bench, staring pensively at Lady Liberty. But just then Ed Koch and Woody Allen float by on the Empire State Building and invite him to a Mets game, so he cheers up.

Mikey officiously posts a list of chores, then starts foraging in the cupboards for Elispa's snack items. He opens up some condiment or other and starts devouring it as Elispa walks in with a look of revulsion on her face. Mikey, wearing a shirt that says, "Geese," spits out what looks like mayonnaise and says, "Ack, what is this crap?" Elispa pours a teaspoon of orange juice into a glass and shakes the empty container, staring at Mikey with murderous rage. She puts the glass down without washing it and Mikey makes a noise of disgruntlement. "We need to have the thing, the thing: what did you call it?" she barks. "It's called 'forum,'" Mikey says. A shout-out to this forum? Stoosh thinks so. "I'm calling it: right here, right now. Forum, baby!" says spunky Elispa, whose anger is rendered all the more menacing by the fact that she is wearing candy-stripe jammies. "Good," Mikey says. Because I have some issues to discuss myself." "What could you pothibly have to dithcuth with me?" Elispa protests. Whoa, sister: say it, don't spray it. "How 'bout the fact that you don't understand the concept of a sponge?" Mikey says. Elispa shrieks, "Oh, I understand the conthept of thponge! It's what you do every day when you eat all my food!" Mikey contends that having a couple spoonfuls of Elispa's tofu ice cream "hardly compares to trashing [the] apartment on a daily basis." "What, is that why you wanted to live with a girl, so everything would be all clean and pretty?" Elispa aggresses. "I wasn't trying to live with a girl," Mikey squeals. "I don't even consider you to be a girl!" Does that mean she falls into the "buddies" sector in the "buddies over babes" rule? Moreover, is this gender inscrutability what made her attractive to Jill? "Oh!" says Elispa, gesticulating histrionically. "You know what? This forum is over!" "Fine with me!" Mikey says, slamming some can against the counter to "bang the gavel." "That was a nice effect," he reassures himself, as Elispa beats a hasty retreat.

Jack & Jill

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