But look, it's Belinda, in yet another outlandishly eclectic outfit! She answers the door to Mikey in an orange nylon shirt depicting cells going through mitosis, over which she wears a woolen bustier. She's got on blue hiphuggers and sports a Sacajawea-riffic set of mini-braids. Not since the immortal Liberace has there been a character with more sartorial derring-do. She will be sorely missed. Mikey stands there looking sheepish in the patented three-quarter-length leather car-coat that only assholes wear. Mikey tries to break up with Belinda, but she drags him into the apartment and threatens to blindfold him if he doesn't close his eyes. He sinks down in a chair and closes his eyes with a sigh. We hear footsteps, then Belinda tells Mikey to open his eyes for his surprise. The camera assumes a Mikey's eye view as he unshields his eyes to see Belinda -- and the ever smirking, chronically unattractive Lucy. Lucy attempts to look ironic and above it all as she allows her simpleton roommate to pimp her out to a troglodyte. Sorry, babe, but acting cool doesn't cut it when you've spent all your screen time hankering after a man with the depth of a contact lens. Am I right? I am right. Moreover, she's dressed like a Kindergarten Valentine, in a pink, rhinestone-spangled sweaterlet and God knows what else. She looks pseudo-demurely at the ceiling as my boyfriend asks, "Are they going to have a three-way?" Mikey seems to be getting the same signal on a different frequency. He says, "Huh?" his slack face framed by a glass pillar and a miniature bamboo forest. It seems opportune to mention here that in the last episode, Belinda and Lucy flounced into @Bar claiming they were on their way to adopt a shelter pet. Said pet is nowhere to be found, proving that it was just a plot device to establish "opposites attract" tension between Mikey and Lucy. Unless they adopted a chameleon, and it's camouflaging itself in the draperies throughout this scene. "Look Mikey," Belinda says. "You're a really great guy, but I need someone more adventurous!" She keeps a goofy grin plastered to her face, while Lucy looks like she's digesting a sack of nails. "And you and Lucy -- I don't even need to tell you guys, do I?" Belinda blathers on. Mikey looks downcast that what's being suggested is in fact serial monogamy as opposed to a kinky three-way. "Anyway," Belinda continues, "I'm in the middle of throwing this really cool pot, so -- good luck!" Um, Belinda? I think you need to stop throwing pots and start smoking some, because reality clearly isn't your bailiwick. Good enough? All righty then. She flounces out, leaving Mikey and Lucy to marinate in the painful atmosphere she's created. Mikey says, "I don't know if that's the nicest person in the world, or the weirdest," he says. Lucy insists that it wasn't her idea, and Mikey takes this as implied rejection. "Oh," he says. "So you don't even really want to . . ." "Oh, no," Lucy interrupts with many daring eyebrow pyrotechnics, "I do." They stare fixedly at each other's tracheas until Mikey suggests they take a walk and Lucy gratefully assents. On the way out the door they both start talking at the same time again, which is meant to imply that they're soulmates, but to me only proves that they're windbags.
Jack & Jill
Episode Report CardTumbleweed: D | 764 USERS: B-
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Jack & Jill