Jack & Jill
Animal Planet, Part II

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Tumbleweed: D | Grade It Now!
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The Foul Nine Yards

Cut to Anchormatt approving copy from some minion. "That'll do it," he says -- words he should have said to Ick long ago. Unwilling to let bygones be bygones, she approaches in form-fitting Club Monaco separates. Matt looks nauseous and tries to deflect her lame apology, which consists of "I just want to say I'm so. Sorry." Anchormatt waves his hand dismissively and says, "I'm a big boy." A call comes in for Ick on line two and Anchormatt and the station manager watch while she answers it. It's Ill, wanting her to know he's thinking about her. She tells him it's not a good time and hangs up. Ill sits there with a dumbfounded look on his face while Mikey insists that his call "freaked her out." Meanwhile the station manager wants Ick and Anchormatt to revive some subway piece they were working on "for the five." Ick shrugs irksomely and mugs to Anchormatt, having forgotten that he no longer finds her antics adorable. Anchormatt says he's taking the DC job, and she looks shocked that he's not going to stick around to fondle her hem. She attempts a can-do attitude and says, "I'm glad -- I mean, not glad that you're going but just glad you didn't lose out on something you wanted . . . because of me." Anchormatt says "whatever" with his body language and suggests they find the IRT footage. Ick looks put out that he's not wrecked over her desertion.

Back at the Low Rent rehearsal space, Ferret tests her ankle as the Horns of Orthopedic Endangerment blare insidiously.

Nearby in the Bachelor Barn, Ill and Mikey jiggle their respective joysticks -- for a snowboarding video game, that is. "She's not gonna call," Mikey insists. "Right now she's worried you're plastering the walls with her picture and having her name tattooed on your ass." Seeing as she's brokered a sublet for her ass in the Bachelor Barn's refrigerator, I'd be surprised if Ick took offense at any of the above. Ill says, "Thankfully, we don't all live in the World According to Mikey," and doggedly gets up to call Ick. Mikey says, "Don't do it!" and Ill explains that he needs to leave, but he wants to find out if they're "still on for tonight." Excuse me, but isn't that point rendered moot by the fact that you have a -- portable phone?

Cut to Ick and Anchormatt, looking for I.R.T. footage in the dusty video archive. Ick says, "We didn't leave it at your place Friday night, did we?" thus reminding Anchormatt of the haste with which she hopped from his bed to Ill's floor. An extra enters and announces a phone call which Ick must accept while standing on a foot stool in the video closet, with Anchormatt holding the receiver to her ear. She predictably tells Ill she can't talk, adding that she's "kind of in a weird -- place." Ill stares woundedly at the phone, wearing pants the color of Gulden's mustard. Mikey capitalizes on his distress by saying I told you so. Ill is incredulous that Ick could have second thoughts after nailing him on the kitchen floor. Regardless, Mikey advises an "insurance breather," just to get Ick "back on her toes." Ill takes on the lights-out expression of someone capable of taking Mikey seriously.

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Jack & Jill

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