Jack & Jill

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D | 425 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
In The Name Of Art

Elispa opens the door, wearing a bathrobe stolen from Yul Brenner's The King and I wardrobe. Jonathan enters. Mikey, revealing his frighteningly fleshless torso, six-pack in full evidence like some living, mentally-handicapped Gray's Anatomy diagram, swathes himself in a towel and greets Jonathan, who is clearly not pleased with a naked porn star wandering around his girlfriend's apartment. Mikey asks Jonathan if he wants some of Elispa's lasagna. Jonathan, filled to the rim with brimming Ike-Turner-ness, says no, they're about to go eat, while Mikey sings Elispa's praises some more: "She's a great cook. And she gets groceries. Don't know what I'd do without her." Well, Mikey, you could just move the hell back in with your parents, at a guess. Jonathan mutters something about Mikey putting on some clothes. Elispa sashays out, wearing the very latest in satin muu-muus, complete with bizarre white satin cover-up. Mikey tells her she's looking good. Elispa smacks one on Jonathan while Mikey hoovers up lasagna like it was his first meal since being released from a POW camp.

Outside, Jonathan asks, "Does he always eat dinner in a towel?" and Elispa quisps-a, "At least he's finally wearing one," and walks away. Jonathan stands there, looking rather amused, until Elispa, not realizing there is closed-captioning, shouts, "I'm kidding!" and grabs Jonathan so he can follow her, in case her blindingly shiny dress isn't enough of a beacon.

Ferretestarossa, wearing a large chenille bathmat, stands under an umbrella as Barto kisses her and babbles something about knowing that "Bernie didn't die of blah blah blah lungcakes" he died of something else and Barto knew it all along. By the way, Bernie is his cadaver. How whimsical and charming of him.

Jack enters the foyer of the Pheremone Phlats. A bob-haired vixen, wearing a midriff shirt -- of course, since the rainy season in New York is exactly the time when you want to expose your midriff to the elements -- is scanning the mailboxes. She asks Jack is she knows where David Jillefski lives. Amanda Peet, obviously fighting her way through the Nembutal fog that allows her to go to work on this show, takes a thousand years and several bizarre head movements to say that yes, she does, that he's her boyfriend. She leads the way to Jill's apartment, only to be confronted by dozens of nubile young things, obviously there for Jill's quest for a nude model. Jack busts in on their action and sits through the next interview, with a woman who is about ten times more attractive than Amanda Peet. Jill and Mikey ogle "Natasha's" portfolio until Jack, unable to stand it any longer, goes out into the hell and tells all the prospectees that the tryouts are over, and to "eat something!" She then says she'll model for Jill. Mikey is heartbroken and yelps, "But can't we still interview?" and of course no one pays him any attention. Jack simpers and grins with no purpose.

Jack & Jill

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