Jack & Jill
Lovers And Other Strangers

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D | Grade It Now!
In The Name Of Art

Jonathan hobbles out of Elispa's bedroom and Mikey, who is reading the paper, asks him if he wants the Sports or Arts section. Jonathan asks how far back Mikey and Elispa go. Mikey says, since sophomore year of college, when she started dating Jill. Jonathan then goes on to demonstrate the subtle and devious workings of his powers of manipulation when he asks Mikey if he's ever wanted to sleep with Elispa, since he [Jonathan] knows how these things go. Mikey, almost as disgusted by that question as I, sputters that Elispa is completely loyal, the most trustworthy person he knows, and that they are good friends. Jonathan replies that he just wants to make sure Mikey understands where he's coming from. Mikey replies that he does. Elispa comes out and exchanges fluids with Jonathan and they all pretend there's no seething hostility brewing under the crust of this Potpie of Trouble. Elispa, sensing something is wrong, asks Mikey, "Isn't he the best?" after Jonathan leaves. Mikey replies in the affirmative. I am pleased with the fact that Mikey handled himself in a fairly classy manner. I am also in shock at the fact that he can read.

Shot of rowboats in Central Park. The Three Stoogettes jog in place while the Ferret mutters, "I can't believe you burn more calories jogging this way." Two beats after that oh-so-seamless segue, Jack says she can't believe she's posing for Jill nude. They stop jogging in place and now jog with exaggerated motions down a path. Instead of having them jog in this moronic fashion, couldn't the women just have done some cool-down stretches, or, heck, even walking? More banal dialogue ensues about how scary it is to let someone see all of her that way; Elispa tells her she's brave, and our limber Ferret chirps, "I'd do it!" while the other two say, "Duh," meaning, "Of course you would, you tramp." By the way, if anyone didn't get it, Jack's the lovable, anal-retentive perfectionist, Elispa's the idealistic dreamer, and Audrey's the free-spirited slut. Everyone got that? Good. So Jack projects way, way, way into an alternate-universe future where she's "the next Diane Sawyer," and Jill, hungry for cash, sells the photos to Chicks With Dicks -- oops, I mean, Penthouse. Elispa reminds her about what happened to Madonna, and tells Jack to shave her armpits. If I remember correctly, Madonna went on to become an international recording star, the most famous woman in the world, and now officially has more money than God. "Jack" should be so lucky. The Ferret looks grossed out by them. Someone with big lips and overly capped teeth asks Elispa how it is living with Mikey. It was probably Jack. Elispa says it's okay, that it's like sneaking into the base camp of the male psyche, and "I get to see all their secrets whether I want to or not." Elispa tells the gals that The Boyfriend and Mikey aren't getting along as well as she'd hoped.

Cut to Mikey and Jill walking up to Jill's apartment. Mikey asks if it's true that Jill's gonna photograph Jack naked. Jill corrects him: "Nude." Mikey says, in a burst of oratorical fluency that would do Cicero proud, "Nude, schmood, naked, schmaked." Jill asks Mikey how it is living with Elispa, and Mikey repeats Elispa's dialogue from the previous scene but in reverse, and then states that he doesn't care how women think; he just gets a headache trying. He then confides in Jill about Jonathan's venture out from Ike Turner land. Mikey asks if he should say something to The Lisp. Jill says he doesn't know. Mikey asks about Barto.

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Jack & Jill




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