Jack & Jill
Lovers And Other Strangers

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In The Name Of Art

Barto wanders around the apartment. Jill opens the door, followed by Barto's dad. Barto looks mortified. Jill says, "I had to do something." Barto's dad asks if Barto's really thinking of quitting med school. Barto replies yeah, and that maybe it's not what he should be doing. Barto's dad launches into this long, boring anecdote about how during his internship in the ER, he misdiagnosed some guy's incipient heart attack as heart burn and indigestion, and the next day that guy came in DOA. Ooops! Those wacky doctors! Barto's dad then gives him a rousing speech that consists of, "There are two kinds of doctors -- the kind that lose a patient, and the kind that will. What matters is that you learn [sic]." Well, golly gee, doesn't that warm the heart? I would kill, KILL, for a manipulative, saccharine, uplifting speech of the kind seen on ABC after-school specials like "Jimmy Can't Read." Barto's dad points out that part of being a doctor is failing, and that it is a privilege to be there with someone when they die, and that Barto might've helped Samuel more than he knew.

Student Surgery. TB asks Barto what that is in his body. Barto tells him it's his gall bladder. TB asks if he's sure. Barto's sure. His fellow students are sure he's crazy. And I'm SURE BORED OF THIS STORYLINE. Barto pulls TB aside and asks him what it's going to make him go away. TB says you know. Barto says he's not quitting -- not this time. So, we can assume that at the NEXT death, Barto would quit. Barto tells TB it's time for him to go. TB asks if he's sure. Barto says, "We're done with my head. Now it's time to move on to yours." What an immortal exit line, right up there with "Make my day," "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," and "Heeeey LAAAAADDDDDDIES!!!"

Tom Jones' version of "You Can Leave Your Hat On" plays as Jack walks into a posh surgeon's waiting room where the walls are lined with the framed photos of Jack's "Ninety Seconds of Nudity." She asks, "Nice artwork, huh?" while the surgeon's patients stare at her blankly.

The SAME SONG plays as the Ferret waits outside under an umbrella. Barto sneaks up on her. They make out after the Ferret admits that she came by to see if Barto was okay. He says he is, but that they can't make it to the Berkshires since he has to catch up on his schoolwork. The Ferret says that's the best possible news she could've heard. Barto, who was babbling something about "getting away after finals" pauses and says, "What did you say?" and the Ferret says, "I missed you," and Barto says, "I missed you, too," and they walk off into the rainy night together.

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Jack & Jill

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