Jack & Jill

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D | 575 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Barto And Ferret Show

Ferret Flats. Jack says, "I probably wouldn't have forgiven him either. I can't believe it's over." The Ferret keeps packing. "It's over. And I leave tomorrow." A knock at the door. It's Annie. Jack makes a hasty exit. Annie tells Audrey that she knows she's the last person Audrey wants to see right now. Audrey says cryptically, "Takes two." Annie says, "True. But I think it was more me. I think I wanted it to happen. Because I'm totally in love with him." Audrey whirls around and says, "Oh, thank you, that makes me feel so much better." Annie says, "But he's totally in love with you, and he's scared to death of losing you." The Ferret asks when they discussed this -- before, during, or after. Little Orphan Annie looks frumpy and upset. I liked her much better when she played bitchy Amber in Clueless. Elisa Donovan, get in touch with your inner Amber!

Barto walks aimlessly around the city. He's upset, or stoned, or both.

Some whiny fool sings something about lost love and "I weeeeell luuuuu-uuuuhve you" over and over and over again and the Ferret, obviously hearkening back to her days in the woods, starts to do a -- I kid you not -- melancholy performance dance in her totally empty dance studio while wearing a teeny black bra and pants from the J. Jill catalogue. These shots of her dancing are interspersed with shots of Barto sitting around looking melancholy. Okay, at this point I feel utter horror and embarrassment for Jaime Pressly, physical embarrassment at this utterly ridiculous, bizarre, and pretentious performance. The last scene of the Ferret dancing shows her feeling up her own armpit, and then bursting into tears. You draw your own conclusions. Perhaps she felt a swollen gland. Barto looks disconsolate. Cut to the Ferret as she sits in the middle of the floor, weeping.

Jack walking in the park. Jill comes running up. Jack says, "Quit following me, dude." Jill says that it's actually his park, and she's trespassing. They talk about the tenseness of days past. Jill says he doesn't want to say the wrong thing. Jack says neither does she, but she doesn't want to do the wrong thing just because she's afraid of saying the wrong thing. Jill admits he's not ready to move in together. Jack admits that she isn't, either, and they both say they've already rushed into similar events in the past that turned out to be mistakes. Jack says they have the rest of their lives. Jill says that when they decide they're ready, he doesn't want it to be a rehearsal, he wants it to be the real thing. Jack asks if she can keep the Nintendo, then they giggle and wrestle playfully, because we all know that painful emotional discussions about the status of a relationship can always be easily resolved by a well-placed quip, since all of life is conducted just like a fucking Noel Coward play. Jesus.

Jack & Jill

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