Everyone's favorite dancin' rodent stands on the street corner, her hair down for once in her adult life, as Barto runs up and announces he got the Duke fellowship. She leaps nimbly into his arms and wraps her little paws around him as he spins, and they are both ecstatic. Barto announces that Madison told him no one was even close. Ferret says she knew he'd get it. They discuss when he's leaving for North Carolina -- a week from Tuesday. They realize that by that point La Ferreta will be in L.A., but they make empty promises to call one another every day and night. Essentially it's a case of their lips saying "yes, yes," but their big, blank, eyes saying, "no, no." Ferret, looking jaw-juttingly determined, says, "Okay, we have to celebrate tonight, where should we go," in an attempt at tough-as-nails delivery. Barto says, his voice dropping an octave or so, "Anywhere my beautiful movie-star girlfriend wants to take me." He attempts to strike a seductive note but looks like a freaky child molester instead. Ferret attempts a mid-Atlantic accent and says, "We'll have to go somewhere where the paparazzi won't bother us," and then grins widely, throwing her protuberant snout into even further prominence. They walk off arm in arm.
Elispa, hair looking as tired as Liza Minnelli's career, and Jack, looking, well, like an equine man, stand on the fire escape, arranging flowers and discussing Audrey's imminent departure and maybe how Jill should move in since they already spend so much time together anyway. Jack demurs, saying that they're just getting used to the whole "key thing." Elispa lisps, "I can vouch for him as a roommate, although we only lived together for about five minutes, since he was in love with you, which is a plus in your situation." Jack wonders if Jill would want to move in. They giggle girlishly while I fantasize about the fire escape giving way under the combined weight of their terrible acting, which, if it could be quantified in atomic terms, is probably the densest material known to humankind.
Next scene. @Bar. Audrey and her nasty little rotund fireplug of an agent, Dan, are having a drink. Dan tells the Ferret that the deal is closed, and that they're working out per diem and allowances, and that they're trying to get her carrier sent to Chateau Marmont, which proves that Dan, the nasty little rotund fireplug, reads InStyle just like everyone else. The Ferret opens her maw to express astonishment, since she, like everyone else, thought that the Marmont had a strict no-feral-rodents policy. But you know, "Integration Now, Segregation Never" seems to be the prevailing ethos of the nasty little rotund fireplug's life. Ferret goes on to say how she can't believe all that's happening to her. She thanks Dan the NLRF for having faith in her, and Dan says meaningfully, "It's more than faith, Audrey," and Audrey looks down modestly, a blush apparent on her weaselly little face, but Dan gets interrupted from putting his own little leash of love on our favorite Ferret by the entrance of Rebecca Please Romijn a Model and Not Become a Hyphenate Model-turned-Actress, a.k.a. "Mattress," enters the @Bar, dressed in fetching sports separates and a leather fisherman's hat that looks like a too-tight condom on her big, blonde head.