"You're the man!" and "congrats, bro," trip off the tongues of Jill and Mikey as they escort Barto down the street. Barto says thanks and then spouts his lines so they can segue to the next plot point, subletting the apartment blah blah blah Jill might as well sublet the whole thing and move in with Jack-cakes. Jill goes silent. He wonders if she would want to. Mikey, the concerned and selfless friend as always, says, "Before we listen to Jill deliberate about whether he should move in with someone again, you guys want to hear about my strategy for Paris Everett?" Barto says, "DEFINITELY," and Jill says, "No panting," like a stern den mother. "No sex," Mikey announces, while the other two, raging libidos taken aback by such blasphemy, stop in their glandular tracks. "That's pretty good, huh?" Mikey says, oblivious to their shock. Mikey continues: "Paris Everett" is probably used to dealing with two kinds of guys, the first type being those that want to get her into bed immediately, and the second who are so terrified they can't even speak to her. Jill points out that Mikey is usually the president and CEO (I think that's what he said, but Ivan Sergei's enunciation in this scene was weird) of the first category, but Mikey says that he wants things to be different with "Paris Everett," and that he wants it to be more than a one-night stand, and that who knows, maybe they'll even become a thing. Barto points out that he'll probably become a stalker, and she'll get a restraining order. Snicker. Mikey says nay. His plan is to show interest, but make no move, so then "Paris" will get intrigued, and get so interested she won't be able to stop thinking about him, but he'll keep saying no, and by that point there'll be so much "pent-up heat" that they'll have to indulge in a "sexual frenzy of legendary proportions." Jill assumes "I've-got-a-snappy-quip-that-will-totally-put-the-capper-on-this-already-wacky-conversation" stance and says, "You've never done this before, have you?" and Mikey says, in his patented "I'm-a-lovable-horny-goof-who-unwittingly-says-funny-stuff" schtick, "Doesn't mean it won't work." Mikey walks off, head bobbing as he contemplates his future as arm candy for Rebecca Romijn Careerless. Barto and Jill stand frozen, in what might actually be Central Park, but it's been a while since I've been in New York.
Jack & Jill
Episode Report CardManimal: D | 575 USERS: C+
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Jack & Jill