Jack & Jill
To Be Perfectly Honest

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To Be Perfectly Honest

Next scene. Barto is studying, Audrey is sitting on the couch. She spies The Joy of Tantric Sex and starts to giggle. "I'm gonna get going and let you finish your studying," she says. "No, don't go," says Barto, and reads aloud some medical gobbledygook which I 'm sure is totally inaccurate, so I won't bother repeating it. "How does that sound?" Barto asks. "Sounds great," Audrey says, then climbs into his lap. Drops of blood form at the corners of my eyes. "Have I ever told you how sexy you are?" Ferret Face says, writhing on his lap. Barto looks down, abashed: "Well, actually, no." FF says, "You are. You're the sexiest guy I've ever known." Barto says he's usually not insecure; FF says ditto for herself. Barto asks what she could possibly be insecure about. FF replies that Barto's just "so damn smart" and she feels like she's "not enough" for him. Barto says she's crazy to even think that, and they're basically both idiots. FF says it's nice to know they have something in common. Oh Christ, there is more kissing. Maybe Ferret Face will just eat Barto's head in a tender post-coital moment soon.

Elispa walks into Eddie's office (this time preceded by a knock) and does HER best Meg Ryan and hems and haws and then announces that people think they're dating. Eddie proposes that they go ahead and start dating. Elispa says, "What?" and then, "We can't," and then, "What?" again. Eddie asks what's the problem. Does she not find him attractive? Elispa says no. She's seeing someone. Eddie says okay. Elispa leaves the office and Eddie shakes his head condescendingly.

Jill and Allison walk into the @Bar. Jill says not to worry, they're just getting a booth. Mikey says for them to wait up, he got Allison a present. He says he's been reading the Goliath book. She opens the present -- it's skimpy lingerie. I am creeped out. Jill spots Jack and excuses himself. Allison says it will give her and Mikey a chance to chat. Total silence ensues. "Or we could not chat," she says. "Good!" says Mikey.

Jill follows Jack onto the street. He asks if the talk with Anchormatt was bad. Jack says it wasn't the bad they thought -- instead it's a whole new kind of bad -- he might move to DC. Jack goes on and on about how gun-shy she is about letting herself trust again. Jill says that everyone's gun-shy and everyone wonders about how much to let on and let go. Jack says that she's afraid. Jill asks if she's afraid that Matt will make her happy, and that as much as he hates to admit it, Matt seems like a pretty good guy. Jack looks touched. Jill makes gestures at the bar and says he has to get back to Allison. Jack goes baby-whispery, sensing that now is an emotional moment, and says, "Thank you."

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Jack & Jill




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