Jake 2.0
Arms And The Girl

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Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now!
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Arms Dealer's Daughter

Previously on Jake 2.0...wow, they keep repeating the very basic info. Jake Foley, affable IT guy, gets infected with nanites (a.k.a. nanotechnology) and is infused with super-strength and the ability to wirelessly connect with technology. WE KNOW. We WATCH the SHOW. And he has a crush on some blonde who couldn't possibly care less about him. There's a cute scientist lady, and a tough, fair female boss (whose name I'm changing this week, from Agent to Leader of the Pack -- a cool girl-group song, and she is the boss of them. She deserves a better nickname, she's cool) who places him at the center of a new covert ops team. Then, on his first undercover gig, he blows his cover to the blonde, who says it's "hilarious" that Jake is an undercover agent. Jake? Lose the blonde. She's no good for you.

Another cool POV shot opens the show. From a satellite orbiting the earth, we fall through the atmosphere and land in...the "Phillipines"? Is that near Philly? Gee, it's really a shame that a smart show has to spell the name of a country incorrectly. I guess they don't have spell check for krylons yet. Or maybe it's supposed to be a fictitious country that is in no way related to any actually countries, living or dead. Any real resemblance is only coincidental. Anyway, we're on Marinduqe Island. Two Filipino men in pale suits stand in front of a tough-looking black man in a leather jacket. He opens a metal briefcase to reveal a pack of Morely cigarettes (shout out to The X-Files!) and a tiny, key-sized mechanism. Turning around to face the suits, he begins his pitch. He wants a five-million-dollar down payment for some technology that will allow a person to blow up a particular target without arousing suspicion. In my experience, all someone needs to do that would be four commercial airplanes. Those worked pretty well in recent history. Why, only local law and security officers were dispatched to combat that attack. A tiny detonator, smaller than a cigarette pack, well, that's some second-level shit. Anyway, the whole shebang costs twenty million dollars. Not cheap. But little is effective, particularly when you don't want to draw attention to yourself, or mess with any timers or wires or anything. Speaking softly, the man in the black leather jacket takes the cigarette pack and walks about ten feet to an abandoned, rusted-out school bus. He places the pack inside and walks back over to the suits, explaining how effective this new detonator is. Then he presses the tiny mechanism and the bus blows up. Wow, he's only ten feet away and he doesn't even flinch! There isn't even any debris, just a massive bus-sized explosion about ten feet away from people. The suits hit the ground, but are unharmed. That's some well-contained exploding school bus for you. Must be something in the air over in those "Phillipines."

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Jake 2.0

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