Jake 2.0
Arms And The Girl

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Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now!
Arms Dealer's Daughter

Woo hoo, rock music. Jake eats Twizzlers and sits in his car, rocking out and staking out Theresa, a.k.a. the Arms Dealer's Daughter. He locks in her apartment window via his rearview mirror and begins to give a blow-by-blow to the woman on the other end of the radio. Arms Dealer's Daughter is in a white tank top, painting something, he can't tell what, he can't see what it is, could be watercolors. The Woman On The Other End Of The Radio (a.k.a. TWOTOEOTR) is all, Jake? "Just watch her." Jake can do that. Jake could be a recapper for TWoP, too. But then, oh shit, here comes the meter maid, and Jake's meter has done gone all expired and shit. TWOTOEOTR says, "So what? Just do that nano-thing." He can't, it's mechanical. Oh, the limitations of nanites! Those adorable little things. Jake gets out of his car, and then we see that Arms Dealer's Daughter is grabbing her cute tan suede hobo purse and heading on out of her place. Perhaps a chance meeting is in the works! Jake only has bills in his wallet, and he doesn't suppose the meter maid makes change. The meter maid looks at him like she doesn't suppose Jake has brains in his head. He tries to make a dash to a store to get change, and then, kablooie, there's Arms Dealer's Daughter, feeding his meter like the cool chica she is. Jake, remembering The Man's orders to keep his distance and maintain no contact with Arms Dealer's Daughter, puts his head down and walks away, mumbling "thanks, good Samaritan!" She calls after him, "You're welcome!" Jake has a very un-spy-like attack of manners and walks back to her. He hands out a bill to pay her for her meter coins. She's all, this is a twenty. Jake figures the ticket would have been fifty, so she saved him thirty. She refuses to take his cash, but he says she could use it to buy some new paints. She's all, "How do you know I paint?" Jake thinks fast and says he sees it all over her alluring, tight white tank top. She says yeah, but mainly she does restorations. Jake finds that reeeally interesting. "Restorations are really important 'cause they make things like new, in a way." Brilliant. I bet she never looked at it like that before. She offers to show him her work. Yowsa!

Back at the NSA, TWOTOEOTR leaps up to find The Man. "I think we've got a problem."

Jake is all up inside Arms Dealer's Daughter's apartment, listening to her talk about "peeling back layers of dirt" to "reveal the artist's true intention." Jake is all, glarrh, a pretty girl is talking to me. She's really talking at the canvas, but whatever; this is closer than Jake got to any girl in college, or so he reminded us a million times. Well, twice. Then ADD is all, "What do you do?" Jake says he "restores computers." Well, repairs them. Back at the War Room, Leader of the Pack and The Man and TWOTOEOTR and Dr. Thora listen in to this little conversation and ponder who's trying to pick up whom. Dr. Thora is all, she's all over him! Meow, Dr. Thora. ADD thinks that "coming up with answers to problems is creative," and then tells Jake her name, Theresa Carano. Jake fumbles and says, "Alan Hergot." He comes from a long line of Hergots. ADD asks if he's always this nervous around women. Dr. Thora is all, "She's making him nervous!" Mareowr! Ffft. The soft, Portishead-y music starts up, and ADD says her dad pushed her into the art world, since he "didn't want [her] to be like the other women in her family, dependent on men." Wow, she's talking about her dad already! This should be the easiest spy job ever. Jake looks at all the paintings, then gets all kinds of flustered when he sees one of her, nude. A self-portrait. It's more modernist, not realistic, but the sight of all that skin is enough to make Jake even more nervous. "Look at the time! I totally forgot I have this meeting! I guess I better go." She's all, okay. He thanks her, and she says, "You know where to find me, Alan Hergot."

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Jake 2.0




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