Jake 2.0
Arms And The Girl

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now!
Arms Dealer's Daughter

Back at the NSA, The Man chews out Jake. "She put money in my meter, I didn't want to seem rude!" Dr. Thora is all, "Uh-huh!" They argue, their voices tight and high. He's all, "What's that supposed to mean?" Dr. Thora says ADD's approach was "a little aggressive." Mee-YOW! He leans in and asks her if it's so difficult for her to believe that ADD might actually be interested in him. That's not it, Jake, you dimwit. Then Leader of the Pack walks up and reminds them that this is about a different kind of booming -- kaboom, not boom-boom-boom, let's go back to my room. She says that Carano is still missing, and the two suits have been spotted heading towards North America. Jake apologizes for screwing up. Leader of the Pack suggests that Jake get a painting, since ADD "likes him." Jake wouldn't want to "use her like that," unless if ordered to. Dr. Thora is all, "Go Alan!" Ffft fftt, weaowr.

Jake walks through the halls of the NSA with his dingy painting. Dr. Thora skips after him and teases him about having to talk to a girl for work. He brushes her off like a fly and says he's not used to lying to girls. Well, he'd better get used to it.

Bing-bong! He arrives at ADD's place with the painting. Her professional analysis hypnotizes Jake. She grabs his hand to encourage him to touch the thick brush strokes, and he has a tiny orgasm. She's all, why'd you pick this one? He likes the "tall, dense trees that look like you could get lost in them." She's all, "All right, take off your shirt!" What? Oh, he's going to help her restore the painting. She excuses herself to get brushes and paints, then calls for him to get some beers from the fridge. He does a quick scan of her caller ID box, then looks at her mail. From outside ADD's apartment, we see the man in the black leather jacket, staking out her place just like Jake did earlier. He talks on his cell phone: "Don't worry, Carano. We'll find out who he really is soon." Dun dun dun!!

Hey, it's The Church! Boy, "Under the Milky Way" is a hoary old song. It's as hoary as older episodes of Law & Order. It's one of the hoariest rock classics, even though it stands up well. Jake in his t-shirt and ADD in another tight white tank get to cleaning the canvas. She says, "Don't be afraid to really push." Dr. Thora, cattier than an animal shelter at the end of the month, is all, "I bet that's not the first time she's said that." I smell chicken, I smell liver. Meow Mix Meow Mix, you deliver. The Man is all, "This is going nowhere," but then Jake steers the conversation around to ADD's parents. Her dad travels a lot; her mom died when she was ten. Jake says all in one breath, "Oh I'm sorry, what does your dad do?" She says "importer/exporter," then confesses that he's an arms dealer. "It's not something I tell most people...you're not most people." He asks what that was like growing up, and she says her dad never missed "anything that mattered," like school plays. What about the kids who did miss their parents at school plays, because what your dad sold someone blew them to bits? Sorry, playing devil's advocate. Keep on playing footsie-round-the-canvas. She says her dad sent her these shoes recently. "Caracas has the best shoes." Leader of the Pack and The Man are all, Caracas, get on it right now! ADD says the next step in their painting is to let the putty dry overnight -- which means Jake has to come back tomorrow. Jake is all, oh. Okay.

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Jake 2.0




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