Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: A+ | 824 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
When Bionics Met Nanites

$6 Million addresses the War Room and asks for information on several Russian names. He thinks Subjectovitch is looking up sleeper cells, and trying to create American Chernobyl 2: Nuclear Boogaloo, 2003-stylee. Leader is all, really? She's going totally nuclear? Again? $6 Million says if it looks nuclear, he'd "park his ass with an M16 in front of it." Meaningful looks exchanged all around. $6 Million spins around and addresses Subjectovitch's picture on the War Room screen, in the totally artificial "ah, nemesis! Boy I am gonna git ya someday!" way which, when it happens in real life, makes people wonder about your general state of mental health. He's all, "You shouldn'ta stepped foot on American soil. I'm gonna have to bring you down. Bring ya down hard, baby!" Someone should have cut that little speech. Cut that speech hard, baby. Jake finds some info on a Russkie sleeper cell in Atlantic City, who has a line of credit at Russian Red. $6 Million knows the place. "Off the Boardwalk, low-rent, high rollers. You got a facial?" Excuse me? What is this, Old Secret Agent Eye for the Geeky Guy? That is so personal and private. Jake's personal grooming is none of your business. Jake says he's got a passport photo. $6 Million knows the guy, and he'd bet "bucks to beans" that he's behind any nuclear heisting. Leader finds another pesky Russkie in Cincinnati. Glamorous. Get street teams there, Chicago, and $6 Million wants to partner with Jake for a road trip to A.C., baby. Leader is like, you want to do what? Okay, I want a full physical from you. $6 Million stares at her until she says, "What?" He growls, "You got real pretty eyes." I don't think he's Leader's type -- too loose cannon, and would she date a smoker? -- but check out the HetYay.

Dr. Thora's lab. She asks $6 Million to please not smoke his stogie and remove his shirt. He's all, "Okay, but I expect you to do the same." She's all, heh heh, asshole. She leaves for a moment, and $6 Million asks if Jake and she have a thing. Jake sputters "no" like an outboard motor, and says they're just colleagues. $6 Million is all, "Is that a fancy name for friends?" What, didn't they have the word "colleagues" back in aught-seventy, Grampa Bionic? $6 Million says, "You know a man and a woman can't be friends? You have to be lovers or you have to be enemies." Jake is all, like you and Subjectovitch? Ooh, snap. And what a nice segue into this week's edition of "Tales From Alex's Harem."

Jake 2.0

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