Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

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Alex Richmond: A+ | 819 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
When Bionics Met Nanites

Car dealership. $6 Million likes the look of a Mach One 315 Ford Mustang, black and yellow with that crazy thing coming out of the hood and fins. It's a vintage muscle car, and totally hot. Jake sputters that $6 Million spent almost all their expense account money on a car? $6 Million says that what you drive can mean the difference between coming back from a mission alive or dead, and "numbers-crunchers back in headquarters will never understand a thing that." Now, does Jake want to know the secret to this job? Get in the car. The secret is, "Go with your gut. At the end of the day, all that matters is that the job is done right." Then they gun out of the parking lot and head towards Atlantic City.

A waitress spins some drinks on a tray towards $6 Million and Jake. A.C. has never looked so glamorous. They scope out the scene, and as Jake talks out a plan, $6 Million heads for the nearest blackjack table and plunks down over a grand. Jake worriedly asks if he's going to blow the rest of their expense account gambling. No. There's also going to be drinking. Winnah! $6 Million wins, doubles down, orders a double scotch, then sends Jake to go check out a Russkie by the bar.

Jake, all dark eyes and gray suit, finds the obvious Russian spy and tells $6 Million. $6 Million writes down a phrase in phonetic Russian and tells Jake to say it to him. If he says "da," then it's on.

Back at the NSA, The Man relays to Leader that one of the Russians in Chicago $6 Million had them chase down was found -- dead. Two bullets in the eyes, Subjectovitch's trademark. Not much use to the NSA in that state, to be sure. But the dead man had recently liberated some nuclear material. Leader says straight-faced, "They're making a dirty bomb." Dirrty. Naughty, even! The Man says he's notified everyone -- FBI, CIA. Leader reminds him to share intel like crazy. "The last thing we need is another communication breakdown." It's always the saaaame! And is that what our government is saying 9/11 was? A communication breakdown? Whatever.

Back in A.C., Jake manages to say the line to the Russian. It means, "Your mother smells like a monkey." But can she dance like one? The Russkie belts Jake. Jake proceeds to wipe up the casino with the Russians, one by one. It's very wild wild west. Where are the swinging saloon doors, I ask? $6 Million watches and says to the big-booby waitress that he didn't think a skinny kid like Jake could fight so well. Then he asks her to shove her tips between her boobs and leave with him. She does. Jake watches him go all, whaaa? Then he resignedly sighs and gets back to beating some Russian ass. Kaboomski!

Jake 2.0

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