Jake 2.0
Double Agent

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When Bionics Met Nanites

Jake screeches up outside the waterfront apartment. The muscle car is there. And so is $6 Million! Agent Fox Part the Second promptly gets his panties in a wad and rushes inside to confront his horrible double. Jake makes The Man pause a bit before they chase after him, guns drawn.

Agent Fox Part the Second is salty, and wants to shoot $6Mil. $6Mil says he knows Agent Fox Part the Second can't shoot anyone without an direct order. But Agent Fox Part the Second says he thinks he can make an exception. The Man and Jake just stand there. Then the camera pivots around Agent Fox Part the Second and we see he's really looking at...no one.

The NSA swarm around an airport runway. Leader is looking sharp in her black flak jacket and Kevlar vest. She radios to Jake and The Man, asking if they've found Dick. Um, yeah. In a sense. The Man asks, "What happened?" Jake says, "The NSA. After years of pulling him every which way, they...split him in half." Literally! Oh, boy. Agent Fox Part the Second cocks his gun, and Jake says he doesn't think that's a good idea. Dick can lead them to Subjectovitch, after all. "I need you, Richard! And Dick, I need you too. I need you both!" Oh, boy. Jake said he needed dick. That's just too funny. Because I'm infantile. Agent Fox Part the Second puts down his gun and says, "Okay. Now here's the plan."

Back on the eerie wet asphalt where the Russkies hang out, the cocktail waitress/daughter of a spy finishes her dirty bomb. "Eet's feenished," she says. Subjectovitch says, "Once we clear the blast area, we detonate. Open the door. Pack up the van."

Leader says, "Stealth is key in this mission," right as the yellow muscle car careens, Bo and Luke Duke-style, toward the Russians.

The Russians walk together, with their dirty bomb and detonator, towards whatever happy ending they imagine will come after a nuclear holocaust. The yellow muscle car, raining sparks, arrives. Agent Fox Part the Second hops out and says to Subjectovitch, "We're getting too old for this." She asks if they offered him more money. He says, "I wish." Subjectovitch closes her eyes and winces. She presses the detonator, and...nothing happens. Agent Fox Part the Second says, "Boom." Oh, so he delivered the bomb-building big-booby waitress, but she was prepped to build the dirty bomb improperly! Because that would make the Russians really, really unsatisfied. It's like spanking them! Spanking them like Reagan did! Suck on my jelly beans, Commie! Oy. And as for the big-booby waitress, she gets the yellow muscle car, the suitcase full of cash, and Agent Fox Part the Second's phone number. "It's in the glove box. It comes...standard." She winks and tilts her head, and oh boy. This is still a really fun episode, but a groaner none the less. The Man says to Leader, "The whole time, he was two steps ahead of us." Yeah. We know. Well, we know that now. But you didn't have to tell us twice. Leader says to Jake, "My office, 0700, tomorrow morning."

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Jake 2.0

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