Credits. Jake's life just got reeeal interesting.
It's a beautiful day in Washington. Nothing but blue skies. Inside the NSA, things are less cheerful. Dr. Thora stares at her almost-dead mouse, Antonio, and asks her tech to run another diagnostic. A very tiny diagnostic. A wafer-thin diagnostic. Leader of the Pack strides in, not amused. Dr. Thora explains that the frozen screen was indeed her bad, but there's a larger problem. See Antonio, motionless? Well, he's exhibiting side effects from beta versions of the nanite tests, but never in these newer versions. In fact, Antonio and Jake are "twins." Leader of the Pack says, "Twins?" She does not go on to say anything at all about football on TV, or shots of Gina Lee. For this, I am grateful. Anyway, since Antonio and Jake "were injected on the same day," Dr. Thora is "concerned." Leader of the Pack asks if Jake is exhibiting any symptoms. Well, no, but...Leader says, "If he is, I need to know about it. I mean it. I don't want him to be a risk out in the field. Keep an eye on him." Dr. Thora says, "That won't be easy." Why not?
Cut to the War Room, where Jake talks on a headset phone to the crush you love to hate, Sarah. He keys in some information, and learns that he and Sarah are on the exact same flight. Oh, goody, now Sarah can reject Jake in the air. I can hear it now: "Coffee, tea, or me? Just kidding, never in a million years. Hey, remember that time we got drunk in college? Oh. ha ha, I'm so boring now. Boring, and I'll never sleep with you! Not ever! Now get up, I need to go to the bathroom again." Oh, and she and Jake are staying at the same lodge! How about they share a ride to the airport? Super. Leader comes up and is all, Jake, a word? She hauls him away like she's clearing lint from a dryer. He flies through the hallway like a paper airplane after her.
In Leader's office, Jake sputters that he put in a request for this weekend off three weeks ago. She says he has half a billion dollars worth of technology inside him that others would love to get their hands on, so he's at risk. He says, "It's a wedding." She snaps, "You're still at risk." He says, "From what, drunken bridesmaids?" Jake? Don't ever joke about the dangers of drunken bridesmaids. The combination of ugly taffeta and excessive alcohol makes for a pack of angry women. You could get hurt! He complains that he "woke up this morning with guns in [his] face." His reading is just like the nice dentist Dr. Sheldon (Alan Arkin, don't you know) from the original The In-Laws, when he says, "There are flames on my car. There are flames on my car!" Jake wonders what's next: "Chaperones on dates? Permission to go potty?" Permission granted, poopy-pants. Then he turns on the charm: His friend is getting married. He's the best man. All he wants is two days. Please! Leader of the Pack looks at him stonily, then caves faster than a lawn chair under a fat man on a wet lawn.
Jake, in his ratty brown jacket and orange shirt, paces the sidewalk and practices his opening line to Sarah. Hey, it's great we got to share a ride together! I like you. Hey, Sarah, hey, maybe we could go out sometime! God, he's so cute. If this show were more popular, and it got lampooned on SNL, Jimmy Fallon would have no trouble playing Jake. But in my dreams, the show becomes a hit and Chris Gorham gets to host in 2004. And then, the babies start coming. The car pulls up, and Sarah leaps out and apologizes for being late. Jake throws his bag in the trunk and says his line about how great it is that their friends are getting married, and...well, they have all day to talk. He gets in the backseat, and there's some guy already there. Alex is his name. Hey, that's my name! Shout-out? Maybe. But I'm a woman, man. Jake's all, hey. Sarah introduces them, then asks him to scoot out so she can sit in the middle, then clasps both their knees and says, "This weekend is going to be so much fun!" Sarah sucks, pass it on.