Jake 2.0
Last Man Standing

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Alex Richmond: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Two chicks, a geek, and a facialist named Alex

Over coffee, Dr. Thora explains the humiliating wedding ritual that is the bouquet toss. It highlights the desperation single women sometimes feel, she says, and for a short girl like her? Do you think she even has a chance? Jake chuckles gallantly. Their breakfast arrives, and Jake says he doesn't think he can eat. Dr. Thora gets upset and whips out her PDA. He hisses, "Put that away! It's the wedding toast." Jake gets butterflies every time he has to speak in public. "They want a train wreck, and I'll give it to them." Then Groom comes up and whisks Jake away to one last bachelor-themed version of...paintball?

Yup. Paintball. In my mind, nothing can top the gay paintball games that happened on Six Feet Under last season. Now that was great. Jake gets picked last, overlooked for some gruff, scruffy teenage kid named "Spider," even. Groom makes a little speech highlighting safety. Jake shoots himself in the foot and asks, "Does that count?" Everyone laughs. Jake and the Mysterious Food Table Guy make eyes at each other, lower their helmets, and are off.

Dr. Thora calls the office. No news on Antonio. And Jake is fine; she feels "silly" for having worried. Her Cute Tech says it's good that Dr. Thora went -- until a buxom woman in an aqua top corrals her for the "day of beauty" activity on the Lido Deck. Dr. Thora insists that this "is not [her] thing," but Busty says that "looking glamorous is every woman's thing." Don't forget the metrosexuals! Dr. Thora "oohs!" as her kanji-tattooed feet are dunked into a whirlpool bath. Sip the Cristall, Dr. Thora. Life just got reeeeal interesting for you.

War games. Jake blunders though mud puddles, then takes a break behind a tree to have some water. Kid Spider shoots at him. Jake uses his mee mee mee mee mee! abilities to overhear their strategy, then shoots Spider and his teammate in seconds. Jake hollers, "That was easy!" Then trots off to kill again. You go, honey.

Dr. Thora is loving her first pedicure. Sarah plops down next to her and asks if she's enjoying the luxuriousness. Dr. Thora is a "mani-pedi virgin." She "always thought they were a big waste of time, now [she] realizes that that's the point." The women introduce themselves, and Dr. Thora blanches when she realizes that Sarah is the Sarah. She whips her hand out of its water bath, and it spatters all over the blonde you love to hate. Sarah is all, Jake brought a date? He didn't say so when we rode to the airport. Jake's mentioned me before? You're a doctor? A doctor at the NSA? Oh. How impressive. Sarah skitters off to the hairdo table. Dr. Thora can see that Sarah is a little jealous, but is still mortified she met Sarah this way.

The war games are blazing. Jake hides behind a tree, and Mysterious Food Table Guy shows up. "Oh, Jaaa-aaake." Kablam -- he blasts into a tree. Jake says he should turn his pressure down, as he could hurt somebody. MFTG says, "Exactly." And the hunt is on. It's all very The Fugitive, with pounding music and running though the woods. Finally, Jake gets to employ his nanites. They go mee mee mee mee mee as he leaps an orange barrier to safety. Whew. And what's with that Mysterious Food Table Guy? Is he out to kill Jake or what?

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Jake 2.0

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