Jake 2.0
Last Man Standing

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Two chicks, a geek, and a facialist named Alex

Back at the ersatz beauty salon, Dr. Thora is stunned at the transformation Sarah has undergone. One simple updo, and everything's in slo-mo. Coffee shop rock highlights Sarah's Crest Whitestrips smile, and Busty hugs her to congratulate her on such pretty hair. Dr. Thora gulps resolutely, then walks toward the mirror for a look at herself. Next stop, hairdo table. She says, "I'm all yours." Make her pretty!

As the war games come to a conclusion, Jake complains to Groom that his cousin is out of his mind. Groom is all, "Yeah?" Well, he was trying to hurt Jake out there? Groom is all, "With paint balls?" The other teammates cackle. Then Jake sees that who Groom's cousin isn't who he thought he was -- he's some other guy. So, who was that guy in the woods, shooting at Jake?

Back at the hotel, Jake chases down Mysterious Food Table Guy. "Nothing like a good hunt. How'd you make that jump?" Jake says it was a lot lower than it looked. And he didn't catch Mysterious Food Table Guy's name? MFTG hollers cheerily, "See you at the wedding!" Jake takes note of his room number -- 214 -- and leaves.

It's almost that time to say the vows, and Jake is nowhere to be seen. Groom is freaking out, but Jake's just checking out the scene in 214. There's an obsessive collage of All Things Jake on the walls -- photos, his home address, a photo of him with crosshairs trained on his face. Very fanatic, very Bird on a Wire. Where's the copy of Catcher in the Rye? Leader's words about how people want to get at Jake and his technology echo in his ears. Jake sees his fingerprints on a sheet of paper -- the red lettering screams, "EXTRACT NANITES" and "HOST EXPENDABLE." Leader echoes, "You are still at risk! It's for your own safety!" Jake looks woozy and a little terrified.

Jake tries to call the NSA ("Alpha Charley Tingler 4779!"), then gets sidetracked by the busty mother of the bride. So he runs over to the concierge, who couldn't care less that the guest in Room 214 is trying to kill Jake. Groom dashes up and is all, "Dude? We're all waiting on you. I'm freaking out here, dude. Dude! I really need you." Jake goes off to help his friend and says over his shoulder to call the police, now.

Jake escorts Sarah down the aisle. She whispers to him that she met Dr. Thora, and she's "interesting," and that "Jake is good at keeping a secret." I wouldn't have said that a few weeks ago when Jake blabbed to her that he was an agent for the NSA, but hey, we're on the sixth episode now, and our boy is growing up. Dr. Thora, complete with Audrey Hepburn updo and a lovely one-shoulder black dress, looks GORGEOUS. Jake scans the rest of the guests for Mysterious Food Table Guy, and lo, there he is.

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Jake 2.0

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