Jake 2.0
Last Man Standing

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Alex Richmond: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Two chicks, a geek, and a facialist named Alex

As Groom and Bride exchange vows, Jake looks around nervously. There's Mysterious Food Table Guy, lurking in the bushes! Jake pants and sweats and shuffles in place like Ozzy. Everyone shoots him looks. Dr. Thora takes a call from her tech and stresses that she should not tell Leader where she is. Finally, the minister pronounces Bride and Groom man and wife, and Jake takes off running down the aisle, in search of Mysterious Food Table Guy.

On the lawn, Jake runs and stalks and looks generally disheveled. The camera gets all tilty and strange. Jake's face is wet with perspiration. We zoom into his ear, where it looks like the nanites are biting him. He winces. His vision blurs. He stumbles behind a tree, and who should appear but Mysterious Food Table Guy. He says there was "poison" in Jake's water bottle, since he looked "thirsty. It starts with the eyes and the ears. Soon there'll be nothing left." Jake is on his knees, panting heavily. Mysterious Food Table Guy leans in and says, "Not even the nanites can help you." Jake takes a desperate swing at him, but he easily ducks Jake's punch. "There's no use in fighting it. You're already dead."

Dr. Thora talks to her cute tech on the phone. Antonio had a massive cluster of nanites on his frontal lobe. Dr. Thora runs off, muttering, "No...no!"

Jake runs hysterically into the hotel. Dr. Thora walks into his room, which is crawling with security. Why? He was seen breaking into another room. Oh my.

Jake drags himself along a corridor using only his arms. His vision cuts in and out. He looks at a door, terrified, as it opens to reveal...Dr. Thora. She grabs his face in her hands and smothers it between her breasts to revive him. Just kidding. She grabs his face in her hands and says no one is after him, but the "nanites are killing him." He stammers, "What?"

Dr. Thora manages to drag/carry Jake to her room. He lies on the bed, a sweating, harried mess. She whips out her laptop and begins to work. He sees over her shoulder that Mysterious Food Table Guy is sitting smugly on a banquette. He tells her to look, but she doesn't see anyone. "It's the nanites, Jake. They're flooding your frontal lobe with electrical impulses and overloading your system, making you see things that are not there." Jake's vision is all crazy and diffused. Mysterious Food Table Guy says, "That's gotta be uncomfortable." Dr. Thora shows him footage from hotel security talking to no one in the hall, and breaking into an empty hotel room. Jake says, "I can't move. There's no more time. You gotta reboot." Dr. Thora says she can't, because the nanites are now fully integrated into his system. "If I shut you down, it will kill you." Jake says, "Maybe just for a second?" Dr. Thora isn't sure. He looks so weak and awful, though, that she caves. Over her shoulder, Jake sees Mysterious Food Table Guy hiss, "She can't save you, Jake." Downstairs, the wedding party rages on, without a best man or an awkward best man toast. Dr. Thora does her laptop reconfiguration thing, and Jake flatlines. The beeeeep is awfully loud, and goes on for a long time. Dr. Thora leaps on top of him and begins to perform CPR. It really looks like they're kissing, or doing it, or something like that. Two sweaty entwined bodies, oh my. She screams, "Jake," and pants and pumps away on top of him. The beeeeep still rings out, and she begins to cry. He's still flatlining. She grabs his hand and says she's sorry. He comes to with a violent jerk, his face white and pasty. She collapses on his neck with happiness. He says, "Who are you? I'm just kidding." Dr. Thora keeps holding his hand, but Jake lets a little smile play along his lips and says, "Please, I'm the best man. I have a toast to give." Mmmm...toast.

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Jake 2.0

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