Credits. Jake's life just got reeeeeal interesting.

We're deep inside the NSA. Dr. Thora makes a date to "grab a bite" (!) after work with the seminar playa, then deflects Jake's nosey question. What did she do this weekend? Who's that guy? Jake just stayed in and "watched all the football" while making sure the couch stayed in one spot. Dr. Thora spent a little time with Seminar Playa, who's a "code-breaker." Jake hollers after Dr. Thora's departing figure that "those code-breaker guys are weird!" Dr. Thora wants to know if they ever display "classic antisocial behavior like never leaving their couch all weekend." Touché, Dr. Thora. You win this round. Actually, you win a few dates and, for now, a life. Jake, you win the knowledge that you're losing the game of Social Life, and a phone call. From Sarah, who will hereafter be called Whocaresah, since no one likes her. Wow, they're actually having a real phone conversation! Not just playing phone tag! Now that's progress -- if you're a loser. Whocaresah asks Jake to meet her at the St. Sebastian's fundraiser tomorrow night. She "knows it's kind of boring." Hey, don't oversell it. I find that free events are great places to bring dates. But sometimes the best kind of dates are the kind when you just sit around the apartment and talk, and drink, and listen to music. Which brings me to this week's installment of Tales From Alex's Harem.

This week has been pretty good. I'm still seeing Funhouse and Styles, two very sweet, smart guys I like hanging out with. Yes, that's right: two dudes. It only gets complicated when I think about their feelings (specifically, on not hurting them, ever). So on Thursday, I went out to lunch with Funhouse at this Italian restaurant in Center City called Portofino, which is as elegant as Le Bec-Fin but with all the old-school charm of South Philly. We went for the delicious, inexpensive food, but hey -- why not have a little wine with lunch? We split a $22 bottle of a nice red from D'Abruzzo, then landed on my couch and listened to the new Strokes record. Mmmaybe we had a little more wine. You know what happens when you have wine with lunch and go home and listen to records all afternoon? You turn around and it's like after 11 PM, and the video store is closed already, and it's too late for dinner so you go out for a quick beer, which turns out to be a six-pack to go. That's when the interesting conversations happen. They don't happen when you hole up in your apartment and watch football all weekend, Jake. Or at fundraisers billed by the invitee as "boring." You have to make your own fun. And, you know, not work so hard, and get out of the house, and actually make plans with ladies so you can get some real face time with them. Maybe even sucking-face time. Dare to dream, dude. The Man comes up and tells "Mr. Roboto" to report to the War Room. Jake is all, "Mr. Roboto? You're dating yourself, dude." Jake, you're dating your hand. And that song is only as dated as the charming Volkswagen commercials of 2001, so nyah. Come sail away with those apples.