Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: A | 472 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Are you stuck in the middle (way-oh, way-oh!)?

We land at the St. Sebastian fundraiser, the theme of which is "a night in Atlantic City." I can't think of anything seedier and more depressing. Maybe a night in Reno, NV. All they meant by A.C. was boardwalk stuff, like knocking over milk bottles for cheap stuffed animals -- no crime or casinos. Yawn. Jake sees Whocaresah and pronounces her "fan-tabulous," though she looks rather awful with her hair all scraped back in a too-tight braided ponytail (extensions, I bet) and a cropped burgundy leather jacket. Jake tries to get the date off to a good start by mentioning all the cash he has on hand. "I have money to burn filling my...Diane?" Yup, Dr. Thora and Seminar Playa are there, too. SP was "all-city" and is a St. Sebastian alum. Jake is so not thrilled to see them, or to get this butch info on SP. The four stand around awkwardly, the ladies with their soft, fuzzy focus and the men in sharp, wrinkly relief. Let the carnival games begin.

Jake, with all his nanites, gets his ass kicked at the more jocular games by jocky SP. Whocaresah and Dr. Thora watch on the sidelines and talk. Whocaresah says she thought there was something between Jake and Dr. Thora. And did she say she and Jake were in the same division of the NSA? How could medical research and IT be in the same division? Dr. Thora clutches the huge stuffed dog SP wins her and says, "Heh."

Jake and SP toss rings on bottles. SP is all, "Does Dr. Thora ever mention me?" Jake lies and says no, then grits his teeth when SP wins another giant stuffed dog. Okay, the dogs are shout-outs, right? Well, they would be if they were robot dogs.

Jake sees a strength-testing game and can't miss a chance to show up SP. In his zeal to humiliate the guy that's dating the girl he ignored for months, he completely annihilates the hammer and wins the game. The mallet head actually flies off and almost clips SP. The carnie gives Jake a blue velvet frog and says without inflection or enthusiasm, "Winner." Kind of sounds like "wiener." Oh look, there's Creepiovitch, watching from atop a roller coaster! Dr. Thora sidles up to Jake and hisses, "Cheater!" Then, "Ooh, churros!" She grabs SP and is off. Jake spies Creepiovitch and ditches Whocaresah. He tells SP to call in a Code 9 ("suspect name Vassily!") and heads out to intercept Creepiovitch. Which he does, in the parking lot, alone. Then Creepiovitch pulls out a knife. Oh, boy. Then SP leaps out of nowhere and slams Creepiovitch down onto a car -- then pulls a gun on him, and cocks the trigger. Jake screams at him not to shoot. "He's already down, man!" SP relaxes his trigger finger, and Creepiovitch is spared.

Jake 2.0

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