Now we're watching grainy footage of combat in South Kembu, Africa. A chopper circles, fatigued men with guns, and finally, a blow-dried newscaster from "NWN" weighs in with the details: General Baako has broken a cease-fire and is attempting to overthrow the parliamentary democracy established by King Namir. The graphics are hilarious; the King is on the hard left, and his country is in crosshairs, over on the sympathetic right. Baako is on the right, with a flag behind him and an outline of Africa to the left. If I can infer anything from these graphics -- and years of reading The Onion provides me with confidence that I can -- I think the King is not long for this world, and Baako is going to be wearing his red beret at a jaunty angle someday soon. Witchay Woman and Silver Fox watch the broadcast from a balcony high above the War Room floor. How Shakespearean! Now the King, played by the poor man's Morgan Freeman, gets to address the viewers of NWN. He says that South Kembu has always been run by the people and that they're going to stand up to that "tyrant," Baako, and their "allies from around the world will stand" with him. I don't think any African coup has gotten this much coverage on TV, except maybe on BBC World News. When the King is finished, Witchay Woman drones, "His allies are us and the French." You mean the "Freedom"? Please. They're not fighters! They're lovers! Baguette-sucking, Dijon-eating, stripy-shirt-wearing, bicycle-riding lovers! And everyone knows it. They're just too afraid to say it! Witchay Woman goes on to say that as long as the oil fields are producing, the U.S. will remain allies with South Kembu. So, what does the King want? Protection for his son, Prince Malik, who's at a private university in the Washington area (info provided by NWN! And it surely seems like a violation of protocol to provide paparazzi footage of the handsome Prince dashing into his classroom like Paris Hilton ducking into a nightclub. Like, Vogue won't even print that Natalie Portman is at Harvard, for the stalkers. Don't diplomats and royalty get the same perks?). Silver Fox says he thinks there'll be an attempt on the Prince's life, since Baako is such a bloody murderer who kills people's families and stuff. So, they should get one of their agents on it, ASAP. Witchay Woman says dryly, "What's Agent Foley up to?" Ruh roh.