Jake and Malik stride off to class together. Jake says Anna seems nice, "once you get to know her." Oh, snizzap. Malik says she's great, and that "it's going to be really hard to break up with her." Since he has an arranged marriage and all. With his cousin, Shawanda. Who's fourteen and weighs in at 350 pounds. Jake stares, completely buying it. Malik is shitting him, of course. Wow, Jake is really gullible. And they've been hanging out for like two days, too! We just had our TWoP Staff convention in lovely Las Vegas, Nevada, and AB Chao got me but good. After I busted on the overall quality of writing in airline magazines, she told me she wrote for AirSky magazine, and even interviewed Viggo Mortensen for the December issue. I was all, really? I think I saw that on the cover? Then she was all, PSYCHE. It's not even called AirSky. This much is true, though: The worst coffee in the world is served on Delta Airlines. It is! I read it in AirSky magazine! Anyway, Malik is free to marry whomever he wishes, as long as she's a royal family sympathizer from Kembu. Well, that definitely narrows it down.
The Man calls Jake, and says the info harvested from Malik's PDA was just personal. Can Jake get some more data? They need it, since Kembu is the U.S.'s greatest provider of oil in that region. "We're getting a lot of pressure from above." Huh? How about some pressure to move the plot along; we're like 28 minutes in and this is getting stale. On to calculus class.
Okay, a friend of mine -- a cool, mathy guy who's actually been on the NSA campus (doing what? I'd tell you, but then I'd have to...oh, forget it, he didn't even tell me what he was doing there) -- told me that the whole classroom scene that goes down here was bullshit. Jake, posing as a student auditing the class ("Me? I'm Alan. Uh, Alan Hergott."), thinks he knows the answer, but is called wrong. Who will "atone for his failure"? Malik. He steps up to the blackboard and -- do I really need to recap the math problem? It's all p-one vectors and integers and combining the product to find real numbers. I took calc in college, and the thought of diving in again makes my head wrinkle up like I'm a guest star on The O.C., the biggest wrinkly-head teen show since 90210. Like, "symmetry condition"? Please. So, Malik takes over and solves the problem, and Jake downloads the content of Malik's laptop. Sneaky spy stuff!