Jake 2.0
Prince And The Revolution

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B- | Grade It Now!
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Would I Die 4 U?

Lights up on a generic college campus. Jake stalks the green in a brown jacket and backpack, and is promptly beaned by a Frisbee. A woman across the green radios in: "Are you okay?" Jake's fine, and "there's no need to put that in the report." Sure there is. It's hilarious! Jake tosses the Frisbee back so hard it breaks a window. Sigh. He don't know his own nanite-enhanced strength yet. I mean, "again."

Jake hops up some beautiful red wood stairs in search of the Prince. At the top of the stairs is a formidable package -- a strapping, unsmiling African man. Jake introduces himself smurfily, and when the man doesn't respond, he says, "Jambo?" Ree? Jamboree?" The man barely perceptibly cocks an eyebrow, then we hear a chuckle. It's a slightly smaller, slightly hipper African-American sounding man, who says he doesn't think his large-size friend speaks Swahili. The big guy, Tracy, says he "grew up in Vermont." So, syrup me, then. The smaller guy is Prince Mailk, and he warns Jake that if he ever bows or calls Malik "Your Highness," he's fired. And what's with Jake, anyway? "Are they downsizing at the NSA?" He means 'cause Jake is skinny, see. Jake jokes, "Didn't you hear? Scrawny is the new big." And honesty is the new irony, and Jake, in bodyguard terms, scrawny will never be "it." The Prince starts with the ground rules: he doesn't like bodyguards. "That's not suave! So you keep your distance and nobody gets hurt." Jake is afraid that Malik will. Malik takes a pause and says, "You're not hanging with me, man. At least not in those clothes." Ooh, makeover time! It's African Prince Eye for the Geeky Guy! I love this show!

Malik offers Jake a '70s-era blue polyester track suit. It's so thrift-store-looking! Even with really fly Adidas, Jake is going to look like a dork. Jake is less than thrilled with the track suit, but Malik goads him into it ("The crown prince of Tajir didn't think it was so bad! He wore it with pride!"). Malik tells Jake to take his time changing into it and that he'll be waiting. Oh, and then they can discuss the property in Florida he has for sale, too.

A few moments later, Jake announces that he's coming out and that he "looks like a Muppet reject." Maybe...a Fraggle? Of course, the Prince has high-tailed it, and the female agent working with Jake says she sees the Prince heading off-campus. Jake says he's on it, but Tracy doesn't want to remove himself from the doorway. Jake, so looking like the Six Million Dollar Geek, heads off to the fire escape and runs down one flight before leaping down to the ground, several stories below. He lands roughly, then takes off running. Good thing he's in a track suit!

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Jake 2.0

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