Jake 2.0
Prince And The Revolution

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Alex Richmond: B- | Grade It Now!
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Would I Die 4 U?

Prince Malik is surprised to see Jake in front of his car, and stops with a screech. "How'd you do that?" Jake just says he's good at his job. So, what will it cost to buy his privacy? Jake can't be bribed. "Well, that's disappointing." Know what else, Prince? You're stuck with Jake. And I think we're going to have some wacky hijinks coming up soon. Like, what a mismatched pair! Not since Aykroyd and Murphy have I been so zzzz. Malik takes off fast, screeching through traffic and turning corners on two wheels. He starts trying to put the fear of God in Jake. Like, his last bodyguard took two shots to the head. "You ever seen brain?" It's Malik's driving that's scaring Jake most, though. "Aren't you scared of getting a ticket?" Malik deadpans, "Two words: Diplomatic immunity." As he runs a red light, he insists he's going to enjoy life to the fullest. Cars screech around him and he says, "What, it was yellow."

The NWN shows more footage of South Kembu, and says Baako has control of two of the country's three power plants. The Man mutters to Dr. Thora, "How does the news know that before we do?" Hey, tell it to the 2000 presidential election, mack. Then Leader comes in and says Baako has control of all the plants, even though the King just said an hour ago that he had control. Dr. Thora is all, "He's our ally, why would he lie?" Leader cocks her head at her, like, don't you have beakers to polish, scientist? Dr. Thora says she's concerned about Jake. Leader says that she "needs better intel," like someone close to the King. Dr. Thora is all, Jake's close to the King! He's guarding his only son!

So we cut to Jake, looking deeply uncomfortable in his blue track suit as he shifts from foot to foot, looking through a chain link fence onto a basketball court. As if to ram down our throats that Jake's out of his element, hip-hop music blares. Adroit African-Americans play basketball with grace and style. Jake's cell phone rings, and he tells The Man that things with the Prince are, on a scale of one to ten, "a two." The Man tells Jake to look for emails or communication from the King to his son, since he thinks the King could only be honest with his heir. Jake sees Malik's palm pilot sticking out of his gym bag, and gets an idea.

Jake takes a seat on the bench and nanite-spies into Malik's PDA. Then a baller yells, "Hey you?" Jake says he was just, uh...oh, they want him to play? He's "not what the doctors call coordinated." Great, more geek-out-of-classroom-but-he's-really-a-great-asset scenes. Jake does miserably at first; then Malik asks for a sidebar. Someone on the other team, in the great tradition of trash-talking street basketball, wonders if "Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner are going to get back into the game." Ooh, what a ridiculous burn. And does everyone know Jake is Malik's bodyguard? Malik tells Jake to sit this game out, and Jake says, "Remember when I said I was doing my best? I lied." Then he makes a three-point shot and Malik is all, not bad! Then we get the requisite scene of Jake housing all the other players with his souped-up nanite-enhanced speed and agility. Who knew nanites gave you game? And if these two were girls, this would so totally be a shopping montage.

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Jake 2.0

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