Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: A | 458 USERS: C+
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The Good, The Bad, And The Geeky

Back at Hacker's phat pad, Jake climbs the stairs and begins taking a look around. Some very cool rock music starts up -- I love the jangly guitars (sounds a little like Elastica), and when the vocals start up I nearly die because it sounds like Iggy Pop, and I just saw Iggy and the Stooges at Roseland. Best show I ever saw in my whole life. Iggy is the one sacred cow of music I get more excited about than anyone, even Lemmy or Ozzy, because he's still so dynamic and amazing today. Like, his duet with Peaches was pretty great. I can't see either Ozzy or Lemmy being that cool. Anyway, with the music playing that I love but can't identify, Jake takes an extended look around Hacker's apartment. There's the pair of Japanese racing bikes over there, the tight-fitting International Male shirts over here, the collection of books on spells and sorcery, a case holding Matrix-y sunglasses. Jake tries it all on, even though he wipes out on the stationary motorcycle. He's ready -- perhaps.

The Iggy-esque music plays on as Jake flies to and lands in Berlin. He strides out of the airport in a leather coat and metallic briefcase in slo-mo, confident, cocky, strutting like Iggy might. He whips off his sunglasses when two men in suits say, "German Intelligence, you're under arrest." Oh no!

Oh yes. Jake sits in a cell, fielding questions from das Germans. Jake sticks to his story -- he has no idea who Hacker is. The Germans stick to theirs; they know he robbed the U.S. Federal Reserve, and they want to know who his other three accomplices are. If he doesn't cooperate, der vill be das consequences. Do you hear me, Hooogannn? Jake notices a sleek-but-chunky modern watch on the arm of one of das Germans, and comments on it. Das German gets faintly rattled, then snaps zat ve are not here to talk about vatches. Jake does his mee mee mee mee mee! thing and super-hears that there's no one else in the building where he's being held. He says it's quiet, and what gives? Then a German aims a gun at him, and though he winces, he says he thought only James Bond used that model gun anymore. Das German says, "You think you're smart. You think you can outsmart a bullet?" Jake pauses, cocks his head, and says, "That's a line from RoboCop." A fun film, but I prefer Starship Troopers. Das Germans stare at him, then cackle and pound each other on the shoulders. "You've aced the loyalty test! I'm Bit, and this is Clue. Quick, who did you believe more?" Jake looks more than a little put off, but says affably, "Clearly you're both evil geniuses." The duo, Das Geeks, collapse into howls of laughter again. One hands him an envelope with fifty thousand Euros in it, from MacP. "The only caveat is, spend it all by dawn." Jake holds the fat envelope with a little fear.

Jake 2.0

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