Jake 2.0
The Tech

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Hot Tech

What starts off as scary, Enterprise-styled credits (Jake 2.0, emblazoned across our big blue marble of a planet) quickly boils down to a sleek, modern, Minority Report-looking intro scene. We zoom down through the atmosphere, onto the continent, then onto a government office plaza: The National Security Agency, which, as I've learned from Keckler, is a real branch of our government, not fictitious as I said in the recaplet. What the fuck, may I ask, was the NSA doing on September 11th, 2001? NSA and NORAD, I'm asking? Hello?

But I digress. On this barren and sterile government office plaza are ant-like worker bees, filing in to start their day. One is the delicious Christopher Gorham. I like skinny tall guys, and I like to spell things out. My feelings on Christopher? Y-U-M. In his trench coat, he cuts a nice figure. He swipes his laminated badge and punches a code into a keypad to enter a war room of sorts, which is noisy and bustling. He strides up to a man with a headset and asks, "What are we looking at?" Headset guy says grimly, "It doesn't look good." Beat. "It's been frozen since I booted up this morning and the floppy drive is jammed." Hee. Our hero is an IT guy. I have always loved IT guys. I love smart nerds. Smart nerds that are hot get fifty points. Our hero does not say, "MOVE!", but rather "scoot over." He gets to work on the problem, then says he'll have it fixed in two minutes. Mmm, I love efficiency. But take your time, my dear. Headset Guy echoes my sentiment when he says he's due for a coffee break, and takes off. This gives our hero a chance to drink in his surroundings. There's a guy dictating missiles intercept orders to NORAD over there, a woman adding elements to an FBI watch list over here, night vision footage of what looks like the White House, and then a guy stands up and makes an announcement about the CIA's most wanted terrorist list. Jake can't help himself from blurting out, "This is so freaking cool." The man that made the announcement is all, you are? Jake Foley, IT nerd, just getting off on the super-spy element of his nerdlinger job. And, uh, he didn't hear anything too super-secret. And the job he was called in to do is now done. The man is all, great. Now please leave, Jake Foley. Jake gets his stuff together, but thoughtfully leaves behind a little spray can of air, "just in case." The Man is all, thanks. The door is that way. Jake leaves, a little crushed, but still buzzed from his dose of the spy stuff.

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Jake 2.0

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