Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B+ | 503 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
L.A.M.F.

War Room. On the giant screen, the messages GENERAL MURDERED. THE MAN SHOT flash by in 98-point green type. Leader notices, then says to get a fix on their locations, and get her some body armor. She's going in. She said, she's handling this herself.

The WolfPak moves out. WolfHed says the Pak has been operating under a cloud of shame for too long. Does Jake want to be a part of their redemption? Jake would consider it an honor. They dig up the little nuke. Wolfhed looks at it reverently and asks Jake if he's ever seen one of those go off. Jake says no. WolfHed says, "That's all about to change."

The plan is for the Pak to get the nuke to Afghanistan and get revenge on the guys that tortured their fallen Pak member. What a stupid thing to do. Like, bigger picture, anyone? I guess when you're a brainwashed member of a uniform-wearing pack, the kind that Jake is so terrified of, you lose sight of the bigger picture. I mean, can most marching bands ever see beyond the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? And isn't that sad? NotJeremy steps out in the General's uniform, and they load the mini-nuke into the waiting vehicle. WolfHed explains, "They never search the general's transpo." Hee. "Transpo." I guess if he had said "trans," someone might have thought "transgendered," and in the Army, you don't talk about that. It's like Math Club! Shit. Forget I said that. Jake listlessly goes about loading his gear into the "transpo," then strides around with two guns and tells the other WolfPak members that the nuke is not leaving the base. Wow, Jake didn't learn anything this episode! Well, maybe he did. This is his absolute last attempt to get that weapon back. He did everything right up to this point. But now, NotJeremy is throwing a knife in his hand and pinning him to a tree. Jake, dude! You've been had. You're stuck. To a tree. By a knife. And now WolfHed is asking for your heart to be carved out. Very uncool. Good thing Leader of the Pack shows up in her body armor and black helmet to shoot the rest of the Pak members. Jake pulls the knife out of his hand and asks about The Man. Leader says, "He's alive." Then she pulls General Jump Street's nametag off NotJeremy's chest, and totally has a moment with it. Oh, the HetYay! It's so getting to me.

Jake 2.0

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