War Room. Leader wants to find where the nuke is. Understood? Monitor those...things! Then she tells The Man she has a special mission for him. HetYay! Or not.
Next comes a hilarious montage of Jake's WolfPak training. He scales the climbing wall with one jump. WolfHed sniffs and barely raises an eyebrow. Then, it's knuckle push-ups with a full pack, outside in the rain. The Pak is at 62. By 67, Jake switches up to hand-clap pushups. Hey, he said 69! Heh. Showoff.
It's dark, in the woods, and Jake talks to Dr. Thora on the phone. He asks worriedly if the nanites are "going to burn out," and that he thinks the Pak is "starting to respect [him]." Whoops, he's gotta get back to the barracks. Just as he shuts off the phone, some of his Pak members come up and give him props and pounds. "U.S.D.A. approved prime hard-ass!" God, that's corny. WolfHed says, "You've impressed every man in this unit. Good night." Jake laughs, "Good night!" Then they knock him unconscious. Whoops!
Morning. Jake wakes up, tied naked to a tree. General Jump Street takes him in his office for a talk, and a blanket. General says Jake's lucky he wasn't out on a mission. "They'd have just put a slug in your knee." Jake says "lucky" must be code for "torture" for that bunch of "jingoistic mesomorphs. Sir." Hee. Jake still hasn't learned a lesson. We're only 23 minutes in, so we have time for a little story. Does Jake know how Leader got the name Tank Buster? Jake guesses that she "blew up a bunch of tanks in the desert." No. "Tank was a man...that had no end of crap to give her. That she was black, that she was attractive, that she was a female. For everything, he had a slur. And she took it." Some military trumpets and snare drums start up to underscore this speech. Cue the fields of waving wheat! Alert the purple-mounted majesty! Rat-a-tat-tat! Anyway, one day there was a mission, and Leader and Tank Buster went. But no one knows what Leader did to finally shut up Tank Buster so he "never said a mean word to anyone ever again" and took a desk job, but that's what happened. What an anticlimactic story. I need closure on that anecdote!













Comments