Jake 2.0
Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B+ | 503 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
L.A.M.F.

Oh look, here's The Man, also undercover as a decorated officer. The Man explains that the WolfPak have laptops. Jake's going to have to bust in there and interface with them to figure out what happened to the nuke. Jake says, "Okay. And am I gonna do that before or after monkeys fly outta my butt?" Um. Before? The Man's eyebrows are jacked up beyond belief. Jake leans forward and asks not to be sent back into the Pak. Wuss! Think of all the people that could die if that bomb is ever detonated! "You have to find the discipline and commitment to do this all the way." Jake says okay, and stands up. "I need some nerve gas and a phone."

The WolfPak runs up a hill, chanting one of those "I don't know but I've been told" cheers. Jake waits, then decks WolfHed. He filibusters, calls them Mongolians, and wonders why WolfHed would have thought Jake could have followed him into battle. Then WolfHed gets him in a choke hold and tells a Pak member to get his shovel.

It's nighttime, and Jake is digging holes. WolfHed comes out and asks who put all these holes outside his barracks, where someone could fall in. "Listen to me, you little assclown, you get these holes off my base by sunup! Hoo-ah." Hee, "assclown." Jake pants and glowers at WolfHed, but says, "Hoo-ah."

It's still nighttime, but now Jake's in the barracks with a laptop. The Man stands there with another laptop, and asks why Jake had to dig holes as a punishment for clocking his C.O. Jake says, to impress on him that he's "too retarded to merit army-grade punishment. As you can see, the shame is unbearable." Jake still hasn't learned a lesson! The camera pulls back to show the barracks floor, strewn with bodies. Must be the nerve gas Jake requested. One guy passed out in the middle of brushing his teeth! The Man looks at one zonked guy and says, "There's a traitor in these barracks." Dude, it's probably all of them. Oh, sorry, we can't figure things out on this show until minute 51. My bad.

Jake 2.0

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