General Jump Street rides along in a military vehicle, then asks the driver to stop. He does. The general gets out and surveys the members of the WolfPak, excluding Jake, buried up to their necks by the side of the road. He chuckles. Now, I have to jump in with a Tale From Alex's Harem. This week, though, it isn't about me. It's about a friend of mine, let's call her "D.," and her harem experience.

Now, not everyone can handle a harem. But when I describe my recent experiences as single woman to some people, most of them want one for themselves. So this week, my friend D. found herself with a bit of a Sophie's Choice, except with banging guys instead of sending kids to concentration camps. She's known this guy B. for a few years, with whom she's made love before. Also there's T., a newer lover. She was in the city in which they both live (she's on another coast), and was loving anticipating which one she'd select for her partner that evening. Would it be T., the sexy emergency room doctor who just passed his boards? Or B., the pastry chef at the fancy-schmancy restaurant? B., you know, is a little uptight, and also a bit of a bigot. And who watches the Tony Awards like it's the Superbowl, anyway? T., on the other hand, is a rabid womanizer who doesn't keep in touch, but has such nice teeth! And those dreadlocks are so attractive. Before anything even went down, D. was leaning towards T. Then she went and got really, really drunk. Bourbon, you know. And no dinner. Then B. showed up, all cleaned and shined and hair plastered down like Alfalfa, and T. went to some party with a bunch of nurses. I poured D. into her bed at like twelve-thirty, alone. So, harems are not for everyone. But they're fun to think about. More fun to have, but like I said, they're not for everyone.

Muddy and barely dressed, the WolfPak makes their way back to camp. Jake waits for them and asks, "No five-mile run today, gentlemen?" WolfHed gets right up in Jake's face and looks menacing. Then he laughs. "You magnificent bastard!" The other Pak members clamor around, yelling, "How did you pull that off!" Jake smiles and looks happy to be finally accepted by a group that wears matching outfits. Time for initiation! Hoo-ah!